Ah yes, Jim Wynorski. He may not know art but he knows what I like. Last year, he gave us the seminal Skinamax skin flick, Busty Cops Go Hawaiian. Now he’s back with another instant classic. This one has all of Wynorski’s trademarks. Lots of silicone enhanced tits, lots of bad jokes, lots of silicone enhanced tits, lots of great music, lots of silicone enhanced tits, lots of naked nubile bodies covered in chocolate syrup, and lots of silicone enhanced tits. Ladies and gentlemen, let’s talk about Busty Coeds vs. Lusty Cheerleaders.
Usually for my Skinamax reviews I like to give a brief plot synopsis followed by a rundown of the sex scenes. That is going to be a little difficult to do for Busty Coeds vs. Lusty Cheerleaders though because the “plot” of the film IS the sex scenes and vice versa. So instead, I’ll just give you a (sex) scene by scene breakdown:
Scene #1: Angie (some chick with giant angel wings tattooed on her back) is a hot cheerleader who tells us she’s competing against some coeds for the “Miss Scholastic Hottie of the Year” award. Then she makes a joke about her big pompoms and then bangs some stud in a fountain. If you can’t already tell, this is a great way to start any movie.
Scene #2: Two chicks rub chocolate syrup all over each other in an outdoor shower then clean each other off. This isn’t part of the competition though. They were just either bored, horny, hungry, or all three.
Scene #3: Another babe is down in the dumps that her boobs aren’t of gargantuan proportions. This one stud consoles her by saying, “It’s not the size that counts”. After he cheers her up, he then proceeds to bang her in the bathroom.
Scene #4: Some dude (I don’t know or care) and some other chick whose name I didn’t catch, do the horizontal hopscotch in a swimming pool (accompanied by my favorite Skinamax song, “Pussy Pussy Bang Bang”). This scene also features some good underwater photography and slow motion. That is to say, Wynorski is trying to get artsy on us.
Scene #5: During the competition’s daily breast measurement, Tiffy (again, I’m not sure who played her, all I know is that she has some of the biggest boobs I’ve seen outside of a Russ Meyer movie) is called out for inadvertently using illegal silicone enhancement pills. In order to stay in the running, she has to bribe the judge. And by “bribe the judge”, I mean have hot lesbian sex with her.
Scene #6: The Poledancing Event. This is quite simply one of the greatest scenes in Skinamax history. It starts off with all four of the girls individually doing a dance routine on a stripper’s pole. Then for some unknown reason, they stop trying to out dance each other and start drying humping the shit out of one another. Why this impromptu détente when they were previously at each other’s throats? I think this scene is supposed to be a metaphor for the human condition. And by “a metaphor for the human condition”, I mean this is a really good four way lesbian scene.
Scene #7: A sexy chick (Heather Vandeven from Housewives from Another World) applies for a job as a secretary for the Dean and tells him, “I take great dic…tation!” All the while, a great song called, “Power of the Pussy” plays in the background. I wonder if there’s a soundtrack album available.
Scene #8: ANOTHER chick tries to bribe the judge but instead of just offering herself to her, she gets two other beefcake dudes for a ménage a four-o.
Scene #9: Angie plots with Heather to win the award. That doesn’t take long, so they have some “down time” on their hands. Naturally, “down time” is just a fancy way of saying, “let’s have hot lesbian sex in a hot tub!”
Scene #10: Tiffy bangs a random dude and has another opportunity to show off her amazing rack.
Scene #11: Two judges on their way to the competition get lost and wind up bumping uglies in the woods.
Scene #12: Angie and Tiffy go head to head (or is that tit to tit) for the Hottie of the Year title via a Sergio Leone style shootout. Yes folks, you heard me, a Sergio Leone style shootout. That’s right, all of a sudden the flick becomes The Good, the Bad, and the Busty. (Hey Jim, there’s a great title for your next movie!) After they settle their differences, the gals head on over to the pool for some H-O-T lesbian lovemaking. Man, more movies should end like this!
Now any given Skinamax movie would kill to have at least one scene as great as these. Busty Coeds vs. Lusty Cheerleaders has TWELVE! That works out to be about a sex scene every six minutes; a helluva clip for a Skinamax flick.
If the movie does have a flaw it’s that the credits don’t identify which actress played what role. This is particularly heartbreaking because I really wanted to know who played that Tiffy chick! That gal was super hot! She also has boobs so big that when you stick your face in between them, you don’t go motor boating… you go YACHTING!
I don’t know if I can quite say that this movie is as good as Wynorski’s Busty Cops Go Hawaiian. I do know that several times throughout the course of Busty Coeds vs. Lusty Cheerleaders I had to check my pulse for I truly feared I had died and went to Heaven. If that isn’t a recommendation, I don’t know what is.
Best line: “You can cram all her brain matter into one thimble and still have room for your thumb!”