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LEGENDS OF THE SILVER SCREEN: BEVERLY LYNNE

If you’ve been watching Skinamax late at night any time during the past decade, Beverly Lynne’s face (and body) will be instantly recognizable. She’s starred in a slew of Skinamax movies and has carved out a nice niche for herself as one of the reigning queens of late night cable. Because of that, the beautiful Beverly is a Legend of the Silver Screen.

Our first Beverly film is…

TANYA X (2010) ***

Beverly Lynne stars as sexy secret agent Tanya X in this spin-off from The Girl from B.I.K.I.N.I. The whole thing was edited from a bunch of episodes from a TV show. You’d think because of its episodic nature, the film would feel disjointed. As it turns out, the flick has just enough “plot” to get you from one sex scene to another without too much of a hassle.

This time out, Tanya X has to break up a counterfeit ring. A gangster (Evan Stone) comes into possession of some counterfeiting plates and wants to sell them to the highest bidder. Tanya then poses as a potential buyer to bust Stone.

Tanya X has a really great cast chockfull of sexy Skinamax sirens. In addition to the ever-sexy Beverly Lynne, we also have Christine Nguyen as another secret agent posing as a sex shop operator. Then there’s Monique Parent as Lynne’s hot boss. And last but not least, there’s the buxom Kylee Nash who plays Stone’s bubble-headed moll. All four ladies are definitely on their (T &) A game and have some scorching sex scenes.

The film runs a long 98 minutes, but in that time there are 13 sex scenes. That means there’s a sex scene every 7 ½ minutes, which is a pretty solid average. We get eight Guy on Girl scenes, three Girl on Girl scenes, one Guy on Girl on Girl scene, and one Striptease scene. Among the plentiful scenes are many highlights. Lynne gets a good scene where she bangs a Q type inventor and her scissoring scene with Parent is pretty hot. I also highly enjoyed Nash’s scenes. Her striptease is very sexy, but her best scene is the one where she bangs Stone on a pool table.

In addition to being incredibly sexy, Lynne also gives a great comedic performance. I mean I would’ve been perfectly happy just seeing the legendary Lynne getting it on with some of the loveliest ladies of Skinamax. But she’s actually very funny too. I particularly liked the scene where she took some truth serum. It all just goes to show you why Lynne is a Legend of the Silver Screen.

At 98 minutes, Tanya X is exactly 18 minutes too long. I mean no Skinamax movie needs to be hovering around the 100 minute mark. That’s okay though because the film still offers up more laughs and skin than most Skinamax fare. My favorite line in this one occurs when Beverly bangs a gangster and says, “Top of the world ma!” when she climaxes.

Next up is…

THE TEENIE WEENIE BIKINI SQUAD (2012) ** ½

Brandin Rackley, Michelle Maylene, and Kylee Nash star as the title undercover organization. (Their motto: “When we go undercover we go deep… deep… DEEP undercover!”) They get sent to spy on a Hugh Hefner-like magazine publisher (named “Tef”). They eventually uncover a porno ring ran by a sleazy club owner (Evan Stone) and even learn of a plot to kill Tef.

Director Fred Olen Ray’s The Teenie Weenie Bikini Squad’s chief asset is its attractive cast. Rackley, Maylene, and Nash are fun as the (ahem) titular trio. And Kelli McCarty and Beverly Lynne are equally fine as a pair of sexy suspects.

The film plays out more or less like a Skinamax version of Charlie’s Angels. And while I like the idea, the execution is sorta half-hearted. It’s not bad or anything, but it lacks the fun of Ray’s best work. Some of the plot stuff is sorta funny, yet it’s not up to snuff with some of Ray’s recent films. And although the sex scenes are a bit uneven, there are still a couple of pretty good ones here.

Throughout the film’s 81 minute running time we get nine sex scenes. There are three Guy on Girl scenes, four Girl on Girl scenes, one Girl on Girl on Guy scene, and one Striptease scene. The legendary Beverly Lynne figures into the best scenes. She has a great scene where she scissors Kylee Nash and her fling with Kelli McCarty is pretty hot too.

Overall, The Teenie Weenie Bikini Squad is a highly uneven, yet fitfully entertaining Skinamax flick. It’s almost worth watching just for the cast alone. You can certainly do a lot worse at 3:00 AM.

And our final Lynne flick is…

BUSTY HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS (2012) **

Here’s yet another Fred Olen Ray joint starring most of the usual suspects. A couple of fake fortune tellers inherit a mansion in Beverly Hills. The guy also inherits a magic amulet that makes women do whatever he says. Naturally, he uses it to have sex with hot chicks, but unfortunately for the audience, he also uses it to blackmail a movie producer.

Ray had himself a pretty good premise here, but he somehow managed to drop the ball. All the stuff with our hero trying to use the amulet to wring money out of the movie producer doesn’t work and is rather clunky. Even worse: It gets in the way of the softcore sex scenes; which is why we’re even watching the flick in the first place.

Busty Housewives of Beverly Hills clocks in at 81 minutes. In that amount of time we get eight sex scenes. There are five Guy on Girl scenes, one Girl on Girl on Guy scene, one Shower scene, and one Striptease scene. Sadly, the sex scenes are lackluster for the most part. Lynne’s threeway with Kylee and Evan Stone is rather decent and Kylee’s shower scene is solid, but the other scenes pale in comparison.

Since we have Kelli McCarty, Beverly Lynne, and Kylee Nash playing the Busty Housewives, the flick is still watchable. All of them are pretty hot, yet the film is not the best vehicle for their enormous talents. Of the three, Lynne fares the best. There’s a funny running gag where she gets hypnotized into having sex with people, however some of the jokes could’ve been a lot better. Likewise, the film is full of promise, yet it never lives up to its potential.

Kylee Nash, one of my new favorite Skinamax sirens will be next week’s featured Legend of the Silver Screen.

Comments

( 2 comments — Comment )
darksteel6
Feb. 23rd, 2013 08:20 pm (UTC)
I forget, have you done a Legends column for Robert Ginty?
thevideovacuum
Feb. 23rd, 2013 08:44 pm (UTC)
No I haven't, but I plan on picking up the four pack DVD that contains Exterminator 2 when it comes out.
( 2 comments — Comment )

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