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DON’T GO IN THE WOODS (1981) *

I’m a sucker for horror movies with titles that warn you to “Don’t” do something like Go in the House, Answer the Phone, or Go Near the Park, so it’s no surprise that Don’t Go in the Woods ended up in my DVD player.  After watching it, I have a little warning of my own:  Don’t go anywhere near Don’t Go in the Woods. 

 

The plot has four campers going into the woods (where they shouldn’t have gone in the first place) and getting killed by a demented caveman living in a dilapidated shack. 

 

You’ve seen it all before in such films as Camp Fear and Memorial Valley Massacre, and here it is again… just not as good. 

 

This movie sucks on just about every level.  The acting is horrible, the music is god-awful, the pacing is non-existent and there isn’t a lick of suspense to be found.  The kills are OK and include arms being hacked off, throats getting slashed, a bear trap to the face, and a handicapped person getting decapitated.  Despite an abundance of dead bodies, most of the movie is filled with endless scenes of people walking aimlessly through the woods, which makes for a long, long 80 minutes.  A movie like this one could’ve skirted by if it featured some female flesh, but no dice.  Maybe that’s a good thing though because this movie is filled with nothing but extremely mannish looking females anyway. 

 

You know, the back of the DVD says this is a spoof of the genre, but it’s not.  They only say that just to cover their asses when the flick absolutely sucks with the hopes you’ll be laughing at the ineptness of the film.  Honestly, this flick is no laughing matter; it just outright sucks balls.

 

Director James Bryan also did the equally worthless Executioner 2.

 

AKA:  Don’t Go in the Woods… Alone.  AKA:  The Forest 2. 

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