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BEACH BLANKET BINGO (1965) **

Frankie Avalon wants to try skydiving.  His girlfriend Annette Funicello wants to do it too but Frankie says ixnay to that.  His typically chauvinistic reasoning behind that is that it’s too dangerous of a sport for girls.  Annette then seeks out to prove her boyfriend wrong by jumping out of a plane and parachuting.  Meanwhile, Frankie’s pal Bonehead falls in love with a mermaid and the dumb ass biker Eric Von Zipper kidnaps a singer.

 

Beach Blanket Bingo was the fifth entry in the Frankie and Annette Beach Party Movies.  The only other Beach Party Movie I’ve seen was Ghost in the Invisible Bikini, so I’m not the best judge of quality for this series, but this was pretty damn weak.  It’s only slightly better than Ghost in the Invisible Bikini as there were actually a handful of funny gags in this one.

 

I thought it was sorta bizarre that hardly any damn time was spent playing Beach Blanket Bingo.  The only time Frankie and Company play it is during the opening credits.  The flick should’ve really been called Beach Blanket Skydiving because that’s what the whole movie is about.  I guess when you’re singing a really crappy song, “Skydiving” is a harder word to rhyme with than “Bingo”.

 

Another thing that struck me as odd about the movie was the subplot involving the mermaid.  It doesn’t have much to do with the rest of the film and only serves as an excuse to give Bonehead a bigger role.  The real reason I think the mermaid was even there was because she was played by the insanely hot Marta Kristen from Lost in Space.  

 

I don’t care how inane the mermaid scenes in this movie were, they were at least a hundred times better than any of the parts with Eric von Zipper.  This guy is odiously unfunny and grated on my fucking nerves every second he was on screen.  Thank God he gets sawed in half during the Perils of Pauline inspired finale. 

 

I’ve never been a Beach Party fan, so this movie may just not have been my cup of Mad Dog 20/20.  On one hand, you had about a half dozen truly nauseating songs.  On the other hand, you had a bunch of hot chicks in bikinis (including a young Linda Evans).  Then again, you had to put up with Annette’s constant feminist protesting.  Still, you had some cameos by the always reliable Paul Lynde, Don Rickles, and Buster Keaton, who at least made things bearable.  So it’s pretty much a toss-up.

 

The best line of dialogue came at the very end when Annette asked Frankie if he believed in mermaids and he incomprehensibly replies:  “Is there a moon?  Is there a sky?  Are there dreams?”  Try working THAT into a normal conversation sometime.  EXAMPLE:  “Hey, are you going to finish your fries?”  REPLY:  “Is there a moon?  Is there a sky?  Are there dreams?”

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