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BRIDGE TO HELL (1986) *

Three multi-national WWII soldiers escape from a German prison camp and run into a squadron of American soldiers.  They give our heroes a choice:  Take part in a daring assault on a German stronghold or be labeled as deserters and be incarcerated.  They naturally agree, but their real intention is to steal a cache of gold from a bunch of nuns.

 

I usually have a high tolerance for Umberto Lenzi movies (Eaten Alive is a personal favorite), but this one was a real bitch to stay awake through.  Man, this has to be the most boring World War II movie ever made.  It also doesn’t help when all of the actors are fucking terrible.  I guess since most of the flick’s measly budget went to the authentic Nazi costumes, there was nothing left over to pay for thespians who actually knew their craft. 

 

Bridge to Hell is appallingly low on thrills.  Lenzi pretty much films things in such a dull and uninteresting fashion that the film fails to gather much excitement.  The lone exception is the scene where a train explodes and the finale in which the titular bridge goes boom is OK I guess.  I say “I guess” because I didn’t actually SEE it blow up.  The sound of the explosion woke up me up because I dozed off.  Up until that point, this thing was like Lunesta:  The Movie.

 

AKA:  Commando Panther.

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