The Video Vacuum (thevideovacuum) wrote,
The Video Vacuum
thevideovacuum

MEGA PYTHON VS. GATOROID (2011) ***

Ladies and gentlemen… finally, we have the first important film of 2011.  We’re talking Debbie Gibson.  We’re talking Tiffany.  We’re talking SYFY Channel.  We’re talking Mega Python vs. Gateroid. 

 

Debbie Gibson is this hot environmentalist who releases a giant ass python into the wild.  Pretty soon, the thing mates and there’s a bunch of Mega Pythons eating up all the alligators in the Everglades.  When one of the Pythons eats Park Ranger Tiffany’s fiancé, she swears revenge.  To settle the score, Tiffany feeds the gators a bunch of steroids and they grow to ginormous proportions.  After that, the swamp is filled with giant gators and pissed off pythons eating each other.  Eventually, the mutant monsters get too big for the swamp and Debbie and Tiffany have to put their differences aside in order to stop them from destroying Miami.

 

Mega Python vs. Gatoroid gives you everything you could possibly want from a SYFY Channel Original starring Debbie Gibson and Tiffany.  No opportunity to poke fun at their previous pop star careers is squandered and some of their dialogue is priceless.  At one point, Tiffany tells Debbie “Only in your dreams!”  There’s another great moment when the duo find themselves in the swamp and Debbie says, “I think we’re alone now!”  To which Tiffany replies, “There doesn’t seem to be anyone around!”  The gals even get a thoroughly awesome catfight which could be the greatest cinematic catfight of the decade. 

 

Debbie and Tiffany are both looking fine as Hell too.  Debbie, any time you want to feel the Foolish Beat of my balls slapping against your ass, let me know.  And although that frumpy Park Ranger outfit didn’t do anything for Tiffany, once she changed into that slinky cocktail dress, she was looking GOOD.  Tiff, anytime you want to practice some hand dancing on my Johnson, feel free.

 

As for the other cast members, well I didn’t really pay attention to them.  The credits say that there’s A Martinez in this movie.  They never say which Martinez is in the movie, just A Martinez.  It could’ve been Tippy Martinez for all we know.  Oh and I don’t want to spoil the surprise cameo so I’ll give you a massive Spoiler Warning.

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Are you ready?

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Are you sure?

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OK.  The surprise cameo guest star is…

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None other than….

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MICKEY FUCKIN’ DOLENZ!!!!!!!!!  (AS HIMSELF NO LESS!!!)

 

Seriously, how can you not love this movie?

 

Another thing I like about Mega Python Vs. Gatoroid is that it delivers on the shitty CGI monster mashing.  A lot of these flicks make you wait 45 minutes to an hour before you see the monsters, but MPVG goes all out; giving us lots of crummy CGI monsters from just about the opening scene on.  In fact, the title Mega Python vs. Gatoroid is a bit misleading because there are actually multiple monsters of each species roaming about.

 

But that’s not the only surprises the movie has in store.  The ending in particular is truly tragic.  It’s one of the saddest most unexpected endings I’ve seen in a long time.  I don’t want to spoil it for you but let’s just say that I don’t think either Debbie or Tiffany are coming back for the sequel.

 

I think the reason MPVG works so well is that The Asylum actually bothered to hire a real director for this film.  The flick was directed by none other than Mary Lambert of Pet Sematary fame.  She stages the attack scenes decently enough and always keeps the flick moving faster than a rampaging Gatoroid.  Although the flick falters somewhat once the monsters invade Miami, at least the film makes better use of the Giant Monsters Running Amok in a City premise than say, The Lost World did.

 

This has got to be one of the best SYFY Channel Originals ever made.  It’s definitely in the Top Five:

 

  1. Hammerhead:  Shark Frenzy
  2. Blood Surf
  3. Mansquito
  4. Never Cry Werewolf
  5. Mega Python vs. Gatoroid

 That’s company any movie should be proud of.

 

Debbie gets the best line of the movie when she asks Tiffany, “Did somebody have bitch for breakfast?”

Tags: horror, m, syfy
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