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SIRENS OF SKINAMAX: BEVERLY LYNNE

There are a lot of hotties starring in late night Skinamax entertainment.  One of the most prolific is Beverly Lynne.  She’s worked with everyone from Jim Wynorski to Fred Olen Ray (you know, the Masters) and doesn’t mind getting naked one bit.  It’s those kinds of credentials that get you named a Siren of Skinamax.

 

Our first film in our Beverly Bonanza is...

 

LUST AT FIRST BITE  (2010)  ***

 

Club Shadows is a strip club that’s housed in an unlikely CGI castle.  The place is owned by a vampire played by Brandin Rackley (although her name is misspelled in the credits) and if you haven’t already guessed, all the strippers are also vampires who drain the blood of their clients.  Frankie Cullen and his buddy Tony Marino head on over there to check it out and pretty quickly Tony ends up a couple gallons low on plasma.  Frankie then arms himself with some holy water and sets out to put a stop to the bloodsucking strippers.

 

Lust at First Bite is yet another amusing horror themed Skinamax flick directed by the ever-reliable Fred Olen Ray.  It features all the usual Skinamax suspects (in addition to Rackley, Cullen, and Marino; we also have Christine Nguyen, Beverly Lynne, and Ted Newsom popping up) and all the familiar sets we’ve grown accustomed to by now.  As far as Vampire Stripper Movies go, it’s no From Dusk Till Dawn or Bordello of Blood, but as far as I’m concerned, you really can’t go wrong with tits and fangs.

 

Ray gives us eight sex scenes in the picture.  There’s four Guy on Girl scenes, three Girl on Girl scenes (including a scissoring scene), and one Two Girls on One Guy scene.  None of them are particularly hot (except for Nguyen’s scene), but there are a lot of stripping scenes in the flick, so there’s never a lack of skin on screen.  And while they may not be at the top of their game, it’s always fun to see Lynne, Rackley, and Nguyen with or without clothes.

 

Lust at First Bite is more funny than sexy; although that’s not necessarily a bad trade off.  If you’re a fan of Ray’s Skinamax output as I am; you learn to appreciate one that comes around that’s actually pretty funny.  During the opening credits, there’s a great bit that states the flick was “Based on the classic poem by Edgar Allan Poe”.  I also enjoyed the Munsters references and dialogue taken directly from Plan 9 too.  (Although I could’ve done without the stupid looking CGI blood that cascades down the screen whenever the vampires bite someone.) 

 

And speaking of dialogue, Lust at First Bite features some pretty classic lines.  Some of my favorite include:  “A babe like that is like caviar.  Even a little taste will kill your wallet” and “God it smells like Madonna’s armpits in here!”

 

AKA:  Twilight Vamps.

 

Our next Lynne flick is…

 

THE SEX SPIRIT  (2009)  * ½

 

Beverly Lynne stars as this chick who moves into her dead grandma’s house and turns it into a B & B.  The place is actually haunted by a ghost that possesses the couples staying at the house (all two of them) and makes them horny.  If you ask me, Motel 6 is sexier. 

 

The Sex Spirit reminded me of a 90’s Skinamax movie, and not in a good way.  It looks really cheap, relies on one location, and features an indifferent cast having unsexy sex with each other.  The lone exception of course is Beverly Lynne.  She’s lovely as always, but the other jackasses in the cast never really seem into it.

 

There’s eight scenes in this one.  The only one of note is the Solo Girl scene where Lynne masturbates in the bathtub.  Other than that, the four Guy on Girl scenes, two Girl on Girl scenes, and one Three Girls on Two Guys orgy (complete with fist bumping) just didn’t do anything for me.  On top of that, they seemingly go on forever, with very little variation.

 

And the “spirit” in this is pathetic.  All it is, is this blobby little lens flare thing that floats around people and disappears.  I know they probably had a small budget on this flick, but is that really the best they could come up with? 

 

This is one spirit in dire need of an exorcism.

 

And our final Lynne flick is…

 

THE RIGHT TO BARE ALL  (2009)  ** ½

 

Beverly Lynne is back in this sequel to The Girl from BIKINI.  This time out she has to pose as a prostitute in order to infiltrate a bordello ran by madam Brandin Rackley to find a kidnapped spy.  And since she’s Beverly Lynne, she has no problems going undercover; if you know what I mean.

 

The Right to Bare All is a good-not-great Fred Olen Ray Skinamax movie.  As a James Bond spoof, it doesn’t quite hit the mark.  Sure, there’s some fake Bond music and Q style gadgets; but they aren’t especially clever.  The sex scenes are a mixed bag as well.  We get four Guy on Girl scenes, two Girl on Girl scenes, and one Solo Girl scene.  Most of these scenes range from tepid to OK, but I’ll admit the Lynne/Rackley coupling is pretty hot.

 

Still, I always have fun watching the usual Ray regulars being put through their paces.  Lynne shows that she can be a rather funny comedienne in addition to being hot as Hell.  And you have to admire Frankie Cullen and Tony Marino.  These guys have to be the luckiest men in show business.  They’ve starred in approximately 700 of these movies and continually bang all kinds of sexy women.  Personally, I’d like to shake their hands (or smell their fingers, either one).

 

As a whole, The Right to Bare All moves at a breezy pace and has its share of chuckles.  (Bride of the Monster fans will undoubtedly enjoy the opening scene of the film.)  Lynne gets the best line of the flick when she says, “You’re a doll… a Chucky doll!”

 

Next week on Sirens of Skinamax we’ll be profiling three films starring the statuesque goddess Julie Strain in three films from the late, great Andy Sidaris.

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