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BUSTY COPS: PROTECT AND SERVE! (2009) ****

Folks, I would love to give you a plot rundown of Busty Cops: Protect and Serve but there just isn’t a plot to be had. That’s OK though because by doing so, director Michael Whiteacre has satisfied the Number One Rule of Skinamax Movies: No Plot, No Problem. The reason for the lack of plot is too long to get into right now. Apparently, there was a big fight with all the producers and they made Whiteacre cut out all the plot. (If you want to know all the gory details, you can read all about it here: http://drgorereviews.blogspot.com/2009/09/busty-cops-protect-and-serve-review.html)

I don’t care about all the behind the scenes stuff though. I’d prefer to let the finished film do all the talking. And here’s what Busty Cops: Protect and Serve has to say: SEX! SEX! SEX!

Fellow Video Vacuumers, we might just have ourselves the greatest Skinamax Movie of all time. It’s too close to call though. Besides, I still have to say Busty Cops Go Hawaiian is my personal favorite, but this one is nipping at its heels. Only repeated viewings will tell the tale.

And speaking of tails, let’s talk about all the lusty lesbianic lovemaking our Busty Cops get into. We have: two Girl on Girl on Girl on Girl scenes (one before the credits even roll!), three Girl on Girl on Girl scenes (the locker room scene is pretty hot), one Girl on Girl on Girl on Banana scene, two Girl on Girl scenes (including a steamy shower scene), two Guy on Girl scenes, two 2 Girls on 1 Guy scene, one Solo Girl scene, one Orgy Party (featuring a hot titties-caressing-the-butt-crack scene), and one Virtual Reality Striptease. That’s FIFTEEN sex scenes in a span of 75 minutes. That’s a sex scene every five minutes. That’s one of the greatest ratios ever for a Skinamax Movie.

But there’s more. We’re talking scissoring, we’re talking girls getting titty fucked with guns, we’re talking sexual pleasure with forbidden fruit… LITERALLY. Folks, these Busty Cops do stuff in this movie they don’t even have names for. Like that one scene where the three British chicks get into a sexual position I’ve never seen before. You know a 69? Well these gals get into a 969. Or a 936. Or something. I don’t know math but I do know what these girls were doing made by pants rise exponentially.

If there is a flaw here, it’s that the camera wanders around too much during some of the sex scenes. That’s really a minor quibble however because there’s so much going on during the sex scenes that it must’ve been difficult to capture it all. Besides, we’ve got more great music by Roobie Breastnut on the soundtrack, so who gives a flip, right?

I know there was a lot of backstage drama going on during the making of this film. But sometimes the tension behind the scenes makes for great cinema. Just look at Jaws. Is this movie better than Jaws? We’ll all I know is that Jaws didn’t have girls in bikinis doing obscene things with bananas, that’s for sure.

Best Dialogue Exchange: One guy says, “Why should I help you” and the Busty Cop replies, “I’ll give you two reasons!” and pops her top! Brilliant.

I’m giving this one my highest rating. Four Tissues… err… Stars.

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