The Video Vacuum (thevideovacuum) wrote,
The Video Vacuum

SHARK NIGHT 3-D (2011) ** ½

Shark Night 3-D is the movie that asks the question: When’s the last time you saw a one-armed quarterback grab a spear and go out into the middle of a lake to take revenge on the shark that ate his arm (and girlfriend) and screaming at the top of his lungs, “West Baltimore rules; you take one of mine… I take one of YOURS!”?

Yeah, say what you will about this movie but it does have that going for it.

Do we NEED a plot summary here? For those desperately in need of one, here goes: A bunch of college kids go to a swamp in Louisiana to party unaware that some vengeful rednecks have loaded the swamp with all kinds of killer sharks. They’ve also implanted video cameras onto the sharks so they can film them eating tourists and broadcast the footage online where people “pay big bucks for this stuff”.

Shark Night 3-D was directed by David R. Ellis, but don’t go in expecting Snakes on a Plane caliber entertainment. Unfortunately, the opposite thing happened to Ellis while making this film. Instead of taking a PG-13 rated film then retooling it for an R rated audience; Ellis was forced to pussify Shark Night for the PG-13 crowd. I will say the flick is a fairly hard PG-13. There’s arm chomping, face biting, and while there’s no real gore, there is a lot of blood.

Ellis does manage to do some funny twists on the usual horror movie clichés. You think the dog is going to get eaten but he doesn’t. They set the black guy up to die first, but then he lives (for a while at least). And you know when they have the “ugly” smart girl who instantly becomes hot when she takes off her glasses? Well this time it’s a nerd who becomes a hunk when he takes his peepers off. And even though the film is rated PG-13, it still features some gratuitous nudity… from a dude.

You see, it’s this kind of double standard that makes me sick.

Yes, this film is fun in that it plays with your expectations and then it does the opposite of what you’d expect. So I admired it for that. I also expected it to be good and it wasn’t so make of that for what you will.

And the 3-D? Well… it was so-so. (The first 3-D effect isn’t until about a half hour in.) It’s definitely no Piranha 3-D. Heck, it’s not even Jaws 3-D. We do get:

• 3-D Seaweed
• 3-D Shrapnel
• 3-D Gun
• 3-D Shark
• 3-D Flashlight
• 3-D Fish Heads
• 3-D “Cookie Cutter” Shark
• 3-D Shark (again)
• 3-D Shark (yet again)

If you do see this, I highly encourage you to stay through the credits. If you do, you’ll be treated to a rap video made by the cast. This thing is priceless and is ten times better than anything you’d see on MTV nowadays. You’ve got to hand it to David R. Ellis. This guy can make post-credit “Easter eggs” better than any of those Marvel directors. More movies need rap videos by the cast after the end credits. Can you imagine Liam Neeson rapping about taking out Nazis at the end of Schindler’s List? That shit would’ve been off the chain.

So we’re talking Two Stars for the movie. Extra Half Star for the post credits rap video. ** ½ total.

Best line: “The doctor’s on his way. He’s going to Humpty Dumpty your ass back together again!”

Tags: horror, in 3-d, s

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