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CAMILLE 2000 (1969) *

After watching The Image I decided to put a whole bunch of Radley Metzger movies on my Netflix Queue. I put this one on the top of the list because I thought it was going to be a futuristic skin flick. Turns out, that’s not the case. Note to 1960’s filmmakers: NEVER put the number 2000 in your sexploitation movie unless you can deliver on the futuristic shit.

Unfortunately for everyone, this movie takes place in the groovy 60’s. This one guy strolls into town trying to get the 411 on the local sluts. He sees this chick he wants to bang and he immediately goes for the groceries. Naturally this idiot falls head over heels for this broad but she ain’t exactly the marrying kind if you know what I mean.

The Image was a lot of fun because it featured some pretty memorable characters doing disgusting and depraved things. Camille 2000 on the other hand is basically a big long soap opera with a couple of lame softcore sex scenes randomly tossed in. I swear if you’d watched The Image and this movie back to back, you’d never be able to tell that they were directed by the same guy.

To make matters worse, this flick clocks in at a whopping 116 minutes. I’m sorry but no skin flick should ever run anywhere near two hours in length… unless said film is called Showgirls. On top of that, it takes nearly 25 minutes until you even get to the first sex scene.

But even the sex scenes aren’t very good. There’s more artily filmed gazing and yearning than actual bumping and grinding. Sometimes Metzger just sets the camera down across the room from the bed so it’s impossible to tell what the people are doing on it. Other times he points the camera at a mirror. And when you film an orgy scene that involves handcuffs, leashes, and people in cages and you STILL can’t manage to make it sexy; all I can say is… EPIC FAIL.

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