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I know that Sirens isn’t the usual It Came from the Thrift Store fare as it’s basically one of those Merchant Ivory type Miramax Oscar bait movies. But I figured since I reviewed Cindy Crawford’s workout tape last week, I’d do another flick featuring a hot supermodel. In this case, Elle Macpherson. But even though you’ve got to sit through a LOT of Merchant Ivory shit, Elle goes full frontal several times, so it’s okay by me.

Hugh Grant is this wimp priest who is sent by the church to check out Sam Neill’s scandalous paintings of hot nude chicks (Elle Macpherson, Portia de Rossi, and some other broad). Sam invites him to stay at his house with the models for the week and even though Hugh is all uptight and stuff, he still says yes. Meanwhile, Hugh’s wife Tara Fitzgerald kinda starts feeling some lesbianic tendencies when she sees all these naked babes, which naturally causes some friction between her and her hubby.

Neill’s pretty good in this, although Grant just does yet another variation on his patented stammering dumbass routine. Fitzgerald is OK I guess. I think you all know who gets the Breast… err… Best Actress Award though: My girl Elle.

And although Elle is naked several times, it’s mostly innocent type stuff. Even though she poses nude for pictures and goes skinny-dipping, she never really cuts loose and does anything hedonistic. There is this one part where Fitzgerald has a lesbian four way dream sequence, but she wakes up before anyone can get down and dirty.

Most of the movie is pretty dull. Like most Miramax Movies About People with Accents Who Desperately Want an Academy Award, it’s full of scenes where people sit around a table raving about brunch and/or having tea. Thankfully, it’s only like 95 minutes, unlike most of those Oscary wannabe movies that usually run 145 minutes. Then again the movie probably could’ve clocked in at 85 minutes if Grant didn’t stutter when he was enunciating his syllables.

And the end is stupid. Are we really supposed to believe that Grant has been cured of his Prudie McPrudishness just because he lets his wife play footsies with him on a train? Fat chance.

Then again, this movie has Elle Macpherson naked in it, so it’s still worth a look.

Next time on It Came from the Thrift Store: Kathleen Turner IS V.I. Warshawski.


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