The Video Vacuum (thevideovacuum) wrote,
The Video Vacuum
thevideovacuum

BLOOD BEACH (1981) * ½

A bunch of people wind up getting sucked down into the sand by an unseen creature at a California beach. John Saxon is on the case but the monster seems to always be one step ahead of him. Finally, Burt Young says enough’s enough and TNT’s the shit out of it.

Blood Beach is dull and slow moving and never really shows enough blood to justify the title as people more or less just get sucked into the sand. The only moderately gory part is the scene where a would-be rapist gets castrated by the monster when it pulls his Johnson off and drags it down into the sand. There’s also a decent decapitated head tossed in there (literally), but that’s about it.

The problem is that director Jeffrey (Flowers in the Attic) Bloom films all the attack scenes in an identical manner. People wander out onto the beach and are slowly pulled screaming and flailing into the sand. This gets old after a while and Bloom does very little to jazz the killings up. (Save of course for the castration scene.)

And the people in the movie are so box-of-rocks stupid that they deserve what they get. I mean everyone knows that there’s a monster in the sand but people still venture out onto the beach for increasingly stupid reasons and get killed. At one point, the wind blows a chick’s hat onto the sand and she goes and gets it. What a fucking moron.

I guess all this may have been tolerable if the monster was any damned good. Unfortunately, you have to wait until the last five minutes of the movie to see the goddamned thing and it looks like a fucking flower or some shit. Talk about a total gyp. The scariest thing about Blood Beach is when the hero and his girlfriend go to a bar and sing on stage. Their off-key warbling is far more horrifying than the laughable scenes of people getting sucked into the sand.

Thank God Burt Young and John Saxon are in this thing or it would’ve been a total waste of time. Young basically just plays his Uncle Paulie character from Rocky again… which is to say he’s awesome. And John Saxon acted all kinds of John Saxony as Young’s superior. I actually wouldn’t mind seeing a spin-off of these two characters riding around solving crimes and shit.

I’m sorry but when Run Run Shaw and Jerry Gross make a movie together, you just expect more.

Tags: b, horror
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