The Video Vacuum (thevideovacuum) wrote,
The Video Vacuum
thevideovacuum

BLOOD SABBATH (1972) ***

Years before Anthony Geary became daytime heartthrob Dr. Luke on General Hospital; he starred in this memorable, nudity-filled horror flick. Geary plays this hitchhiking Nam vet who stops to take a nap in an open field. He awakens and is startled to find a bunch of naked hippie girls rubbing oil on themselves and trying to get it on with him. He is so freaked out by this that he… RUNS AWAY! Gea…

TIME OUT!

I’m sorry, but I can’t take this guy seriously as our hero. I mean, a bunch of naked women try to fuck you in the woods and you RUN AWAY? What a fucking chump.

Anyway, Geary is so busy dodging poontang that he accidentally falls, hits his head, and is knocked unconscious. Some gal in a lake revives him and he instantly falls in love with her. As it…

TIME OUT!

You’re telling me Dr. Luke has a mess of hot naked women rubbing all over him and he runs away. Then ONE homely broad shows up and THIS is the gal he goes for? Can you believe this guy?

As it turns out, this chick Dr. Luke is in love with is some sort of water nymph/mermaid thingie. Even though she loves him, they can never be together because… well… he has a soul. (Don’t you just hate it when that happens?) Luckily, Alotta, Queen of the Witches lives up on the hill with her coven of naked female followers and she just so happens to be in the market for a soul.

And because Alotta, Queen of the Witches is played by Ilsa herself, Dyanne Thorne; that means this movie just got a WHOLE lot more interesting.

So Dr. Luke thinks it over for like two seconds and he’s all ready to give Alotta his soul. The only catch is, he’s got to participate in some witchcraft ritual which calls for him to lay on this slab while Alotta’s stable of hot ass naked women caress his body, fondle him, and writhe their bodies on top of him. And what does this guy do? He screams in agony!

TIME OUT! (I know I’m officially out of Time Outs now, but trust me, it’s worth it.)

SERIOUSLY! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS DUDE’S PROBLEM? You’re in the midst of an orgy with a bunch of hot ass women and THIS is how you behave? If that was me, I would’ve been content on staying with the first orgy of naked women. This guy has two impromptu orgies happen to him in the span of 90 minutes and he acts like a goddamn baby both times. Unbelievable.

Okay… back to the plot. Oh yeah. Alotta makes Dr. Luke decapitate a priest and… you know what? I’m tired of fucking talking about this guy. Let’s talk about something else for a bit.

Let’s talk about titties.

Goddamn there are so many titties in this movie it’ll make your head spin. I don’t do Breast Counts in my reviews, but I’m sure even someone as experienced as say, Joe Bob Briggs is at counting boobs would have a tough time tallying all the tits in this movie; they bounce around so fast and furiously. I mean you’ve got to love any movie where the gal wearing a belly chain is the overdressed one. And if you’re a fan of 70’s bush, you’re going to need a weed whacker to wade through it all.

As an added bonus, you’ve got Dyanne Thorne. Her exquisite frame is on display a lot in this movie. She performs satanic rituals topless and belly dances topless and when she isn’t topless, she’s still looking damn fine.

You know, there are long stretches in Blood Sabbath where absolutely nothing happens. I’m perfectly okay with that though because there are also long stretches featuring nothing but scads of naked gals running around. Hey, you’re either the kind of person who will sit through a boring 70’s horror movie just to see a bunch of tits and bush or you aren’t. I know which camp I fall into. What about you?

AKA: Yyalah.

Tags: b, horror
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