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WRONG TURN 4: BLOODY BEGINNINGS (2011) *** ½

I remember a few years back when they were talking about making a sequel to the Friday the 13th remake and the rumor was that it was going to take place in the winter time. I don’t know if that will ever happen, but it sounded like a cool enough idea to me. I mean once Crystal Lake freezes over I bet it would be a great place to go ice skating. (Not to mention a great opportunity for Jason to kill people with new toys like a snow blower.) Since Michael Bay can’t get off his ass fast enough to make another Friday the 13th movie, the Wrong Turn series has beat him to the punch by setting this installment in the winter time.

As the title implies, Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginnings is a prequel to the original film as it follows the inbred cannibal clan as teenagers. They get incarcerated in the nuthouse and eventually lead a revolt. Pretty soon, the lunatics are running the asylum. Then we flash forward to the winter before the events of the first film where a group of teens are snowmobiling in West Virginia. When they take a wrong turn and get lost in a blizzard, they seek shelter in the seemingly abandoned mental institution. After being annoying and smoking pot for a bit, the teens split up and are picked off one by one by the inbred cannibals.

I’m just going to go ahead and say it… Wrong Turn 4 is off the fucking chain. It’s got everything you could possibly want in a Direct to DVD horror sequel. It’s got tons of gore (biting, eye gouging, eye eating, shock treatment, total limb removal, skewer through the nose and out the top of the head, head ripping, head popping, death by giant drill, and death by snowmobile), not one, but two pretty good lesbian scenes, and… err... tons of gore.

In fact, I’d go so far to say that Wrong Turn 4 is the Millennium Falcon of DTV horror sequels… it doesn’t look like much… but it’s got it where it counts.

Everyone’s going to have a favorite moment from this movie. For some it will be the scene where the cannibals filet a dude and turn him into cannibal soup. For others, it will be the double decapitation where the heads go spinning through the air in slow motion so we can see the heads look each other in the eye seconds before they hit the ground. For me, it’s the scene where one cannibal wolfs down a plate of human flesh and chokes on it, prompting his inbred cannibal brother to give him the Heimlich maneuver.

I can honestly say, that’s something I never thought I’d ever see that in a cannibal movie.

Wrong Turn 4 also features some of the finest dialogue you’ll hear all year. In addition to containing some laugh out loud lines like, “They probably turned Porter into porterhouse by now!”, the film also contains the best possible response to the question, “Who the fuck are they?”: “It’s the cannibal hillbillies my brother warned me about! Who else could it be?” My favorite line though had to be, “They’re eating him alive like some fucked up fondue!”

AMITYVILLE: A NEW GENERATION (1993) **

A guy who looks like Nathan Fillion dressed up as Ken Wahl for Halloween buys a mirror off some homeless man. As soon as he brings it into his starving artist apartment building, all sorts of odd shit starts happening. You see, the mirror has the power to make anyone who looks into it completely spaz out and run headfirst into pane glass windows. Then it makes the chick from Rambo hang herself. Our hero does some digging and discovers the mirror came from the haunted Amityville house. Pretty soon, the mirror becomes bent on possessing him and making him kill his girlfriend.

This seventh Amityville movie isn’t very good, but it benefits from a pretty good supporting cast. We get David (An American Werewolf in London) Naughton as the health nut landlord, Richard (Shaft) Roundtree as a sculptor with a shaved head, Terry (The Stepfather) O’Quinn as the tight lipped detective, and Robert (A Nightmare on Elm Street 2) Rusler as the mirror’s first victim. Rusler also gets the best line of the movie when he calls the chick from Rambo a “goddamn paint-slapping bitch!”

Other than that, it’s strictly business as usual. Amityville: A New Generation offers the same no-frills supernatural shenanigans the other Amityville flicks offer. The only exception of course is the fact that it all happens in a scummy apartment building and the budget is way lower.

Let me clue you into how low rent this flick is. You’ve seen countless love scenes in movies that happen in front of a fireplace, right? Well, Amityville: A New Generation has a love scene that happens in front of a space heater. If that isn’t the perfect metaphor for the quality of this thing, I don’t know what is.

(Special Note: Turns out this movie was the perfect flick to watch on Thanksgiving seeing as it ends with the hero taking shotgun to Thanksgiving dinner and blowing the turkey away!)

AKA: Amityville: Darkforce.

Comments

( 2 comments — Comment )
dtvconnoisseur
Dec. 3rd, 2011 12:50 pm (UTC)
I haven't seen any of the Wrong Turn sequels, but I actually enjoyed part 1 quite a bit, so I'll have to check them out, especially now that you've given part four a good review.
thevideovacuum
Dec. 3rd, 2011 10:45 pm (UTC)
I think Part 1 is an underrated classic. 2 and 3 are OK and definitely have their moments. 4 on the other hand is a good old fashioned slasher romp. Good fun, I think you'll dig it.
( 2 comments — Comment )

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