The Video Vacuum (thevideovacuum) wrote,
The Video Vacuum

DEFCON-4 (1985) **

Three workers inside of a NORAD satellite watch in horror as the world plunges into nuclear war below them. After the dust settles, they decide to go back down to Earth and check things out. They barely manage to survive the crash landing before the dickhead of the group gets torn apart by cannibals. When the wimpy guy ventures out into the wasteland, he promptly gets captured by crazy old Maury Chaykin in his badass armored bulldozer. Before long, they get recaptured by some survivalist nutjobs led by… are you ready for this… a prep school reject with severe popularity issues.

Man, I’ve seen movies shit the bed before, but Defcon-4 shits the bed faster and harder than just about any movie I’ve ever seen. It’s actually a bit depressing when you think about it. The opening is surprisingly strong and includes some rather decent spaceship special effects. These early scenes even manage to be dramatically sound too. When the wimpy dude flips out after he discovers his baby is dead and his wife is slowly dying of radiation poisoning, it’s actually… dare I say, moving.

Once the crew goes back down to Earth though, the movie takes a nosedive in quality in just about every way imaginable. The big reason for this is that the villain is so fucking lame that it’s almost unbearable. Dear Lord, there aren’t words in the dictionary to describe how weak this jackass is. Imagine any random extra from City Limits and promote him to lead villain and that should give you some idea the level of patheticness we’re talking about.

Defcon-4 perks up a bit near the end once Chaykin’s bulldozer starts wrecking shit. By that time, there was no earthly way for the movie to make a comeback. I’m not saying this flick is completely worthless (again, the first half hour is well done), but in the event of all-out nuclear war, this is definitely one movie not worth having in the fallout shelter.

AKA: Ground Zero. AKA: Defense Condition 4.

Tags: d, sci-fi
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