The Video Vacuum (thevideovacuum) wrote,
The Video Vacuum
thevideovacuum

THE HOUSE THAT SCREAMED (1971) * ½

A hot chick gets sent to an all-girl boarding school by her lame custodians. She quickly learns that her headmistress is a royal bitch and runs the school with an iron fist. Slowly but surely girls start dropping like flies by a knife wielding maniac. Will our heroine discover the killer’s true identity before she becomes the next victim? Will you still be awake by that time?

Man, The House That Screamed is one heck of a boring-ass flick. If the dark print and muffled sound won’t put you to sleep, the nonexistent pacing will. Seriously folks, if your prescription of Ambien ever runs out, just watch this movie and you’ll be asleep in no time.

This is one of those movies that hates its audience and doesn’t mind flaunting it every chance it gets. Consider the shower scene. In this scene there are a dozen hot girls in a communal shower getting all sudsy while their lecherous headmistress is leering over them. Sounds good right? WRONG! Why you ask? Because all the girls wear nightgowns while they’re showering! WHAT THE FUCK? What a way to ruin a potentially good shower scene there. Sure, we do get a brief wet T-shirt shot near the end of the scene, but it’s too little too late. There’s also an S & M whipping scene too, but again, nothing is shown, so what’s the point?

There is however one pretty cool part near the end of The House That Screamed that deserves special mention. It comes when the killer is about to slash a chick’s throat. He sneaks up behind her and just before he slices into her, there’s a freeze frame. It’s here where we’re thinking to ourselves “Great, they cheated us out of the boobs, they’re going to cheat us out of this.” But uh-uh no way Jose Canseco. After the brief freeze frame, the flick resumes and we get a fairly graphic throat slashing. The finale, which has a bit of a Pieces vibe, is sorta decent too; although it in no way makes up for the slow ass 96 minutes that preceded it.

AKA: House of Evil. AKA: The Boarding School. AKA: The Finishing School.

Tags: h, horror
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