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Okay. Before I put this movie into my DVD player, I asked myself: “How bad could a movie called Hyper Sapien: People from Another Star be?” Answer: Plenty bad.

An alien spaceship comes to Earth for a quick visit. A teenage extraterrestrial and her young sister sneak off the ship and decide to stay on the planet with their pet alien (named “Kirby”) in tow. After wandering around the wilderness for a while, they’re befriended by a dirt bike riding kid (appropriately named “Dirt”) who introduces them to such Earthy delights as barbeques, hoedowns, and Coca-Cola.

Hyper Sapien: People from Another Star was produced by Jack Schwartzman, husband of Talia Shire (who has a cameo). Schwartzman also produced Never Say Never Again. Somehow he was able to hire On Her Majesty’s Secret Service director Peter Hunt to helm the flick. Despite the Bond-heavy pedigree, this movie just plain sucks.

It’s clear that Schwartzman was intending to duplicate the success of E.T. with this picture. The results are closer to Mac and Me though. But while Hyper Sapien: People from Another Star is aimed squarely at kids, it’s hard to imagine them sitting still to watch it. The flick is filled with a lot of tepid drama, boring scenes of people wandering around the woods, and an annoyingly unnecessary love triangle that’s never even allowed to play out properly. And even the alien tykes themselves are kinda dull.

I mean the flick is called HYPER Sapien, but the kids in this movie look like they overdosed on Nyquil.

It’s also highly doubtful that young viewers would even like Kirby. He’s a three-limbed furry alien that looks like a Muppet with three rectums for a face. That is to say that he’s generally unappealing.

If it wasn’t for Keenan Wynn’s somewhat enjoyable performance (sadly, his last) as the crotchety grandfather, the flick would be almost unbearable. The scenes of Wynn playing cards with Kirby are kinda funny and prove that the lame alien could’ve worked if everyone else in the cast treated him as a character and not a special effect. Wynn is able to effectively play off the little turd and at least inject some life into an otherwise dreary affair.

Side Note: Hyper Sapien: People from Another Star gets my vote for the single worst movie title in the history of mankind.

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