The Video Vacuum (thevideovacuum) wrote,
The Video Vacuum

TOP LINE (1988) **

Italy has made some terrible movies throughout the course of their cinematic history. Top Line is not the worst movie to come from that country, but it is certainly the most boring. Seriously folks, I fell asleep on this movie three goddamn times before the halfway mark; a Video Vacuum record. But I’m glad I gave this movie a fourth shot because it actually gets pretty nutty near the end.

Franco Nero stars as an alcoholic writer on vacation. He discovers the wreckage of a UFO and the government tries to shut him up. Nero never dreams just how vast the elaborate cover-up is.

I like Franco Nero as much as the next guy, but even his presence is unable to save this stinker. The pacing for the first hour or so is nonexistent and whenever something does happen, it’s usually pretty lame. (Example: The awful car chase where Nero gives his pursuers the slip by throwing eggs at them.) During the first 75 minutes of the movie, the only thing worth a damn is George Kennedy, but that’s only because his familiar gruff voice has been replaced and dubbed by in somebody else.

Top Line is bottom of the barrel in just about every way until it introduces a killer cyborg into the mix at the 11th hour. And naturally, before long, half of his face is missing just so you know the people who made this movie are James Cameron fans. But that’s not even the best part though. That comes when the cyborg gets gored by a charging bull! It’s also pretty funny to see Franco Nero’s wife turn into a slime monster in the end too. Ultimately, Top Line isn’t a complete waste of time, thanks to the shit-the-bed crazy ending. Good luck making it that far though.

AKA: Alien Terminator.

Tags: sci-fi, t
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