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MIAMI CONNECTION (1987) *** ½

You know you’re in for something special from the very first scene, which features Ninjas on motorcycles. Yes, Ninjas on motorcycles. Things only get better in the next scene when a rock band named “Dragon Sound” belts out one of the most hilariously awful hair metal power ballads these ears have ever heard. The band is enjoying a nice run playing at a swanky club, but the group they replaced is extremely sore about the whole thing. They try to beat up Dragon Sound, but naturally, since Dragon Sound is a rock band comprised solely of Black Belts in Tae Kwon Do, they get their ass kicked. They then seek the help of a local thug to get back at Dragon Sound. Since Dragon Sound’s guitar player is dating his sister, he readily agrees. After several Kung Fu battles, Dragon Sound has to contend with the Ninjas on motorcycles for the big finale showdown!

As far as So Bad They’re Good Movies go (and as much as I hate that term, it certainly applies here), Miami Connection falls short of something like Troll 2, but it’s definitely a highly enjoyable cheesefest. This is my favorite kind of bad movie because it features some legitimately awesome moments (some of the fight scenes are really good), some ridiculously awful moments (the cheesy soundtrack features some unforgettable tunes like “Against the Ninja”), and some truly pathetic attempts at “acting” by the cast (they flub several lines). I mean, try not to laugh during the one guy’s tearful monologue about finding his long-lost dad. That shit was hilarious.

But while there are some legitimately awesome moments here, the film sorta loses its luster as it enters the final act. Things get a lot patchier in this section of the flick, and the final fight scene (it takes place in a big ass ditch) probably goes on a bit too long. Still, there are plenty of stellar moments of WTF movie magic here.

If you’re a fan of mullets, Kung Fu, and Ninjas on motorcycles, it is my duty as an American to tell you to rush out and see Miami Connection immediately.

AKA: American Streetfighters.

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