The Video Vacuum (thevideovacuum) wrote,
The Video Vacuum

NINE LIVES (2016) * ½

My daughter talked me into watching this. I told her I really didn’t feel like it. Then she said, “But daddy, it stars several famous internet cats”. I mean how can anyone turn THAT down? I guess I don’t have to tell you that she loved every minute of it.

It’s funny to me that now, whenever my daughter sees Kevin Spacey in a movie, she’s going to recognize him as “The Guy Who Turned into a Cat in Nine Lives” and not, well, I don’t know, Verbal Kint, Lex Luthor, or John Doe.

Basically, Nine Lives has the same plot of 18 Again, except that instead of George Burns being in a coma for most of the movie while his body is trapped in Charlie Schlatter, it’s Kevin Spacey who’s in the coma while his body is trapped in a cat.

I guess you can’t fault Spacey for trying to cash a paycheck. I mean, his agent pretty much got him the same deal Jason Lee got in Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel when he spent most of his time in a hospital bed while only doing precious few scenes with CGI talking animals. The difference in this one is that instead of spending most of his time in a hospital bed, Spacey actually plays the CGI talking animal too. Even a great actor like Spacey can’t do much with the horrible dialogue that seems like it was taken straight out of a meme. (“Nailed it!”)

Nine Lives also features some of the worst CGI I’ve ever seen. I’m not talking about the scenes of the cat trying to drink Scotch, write its name with a ball-point pen, or trying to walk around on its hind legs. I’m talking about the shots of Spacey parachuting onto the top of his building. It looked awful.

There are virtually no laughs here. Except if you’re a seven-year-old girl. That is to say, your kids will probably love it. You, not so much.

If you want to watch a talking cat movie starring a famous internet cat, that actually contains a laugh or two, check out Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever instead.

Tags: comedy, kids, n
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