The Video Vacuum (thevideovacuum) wrote,
The Video Vacuum

THE PROTECTOR (2006) ****

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a new all time best kung fu movie.

We also have the new record for broken bones in one movie (approximately 9,689).

We have a new king of kung fu movies.

Move over Bruce Lee, here comes Tony Jaa.

The plot is basically Game of Death meets Dumbo.

Some slimy gangsters steal Tony (Ong-Bak) Jaa’s elephants. Jaa has been raised since birth to protect the elephants at any cost, since we all know that "he who possesses the perfect elephant will rule the world". Tony travels from Thailand to Australia searching for his perfect pachyderms and what ensues is nothing short of kung fu heaven. Jaa, who has the deadliest knees in the business, just about beats people within an inch of their lives for the next hour and a half.

Basically Jaa will storm into a room and shout “You stole my elephants!” which causes hundreds of thugs to come out of the woodwork who in turn get their ass handed to them by Jaa. In the course of the movie, he battles an army of fluorescent light bulb wielding roller blade punks, takes out the entire Thai/Australian mob and does battle with three ginormous wrestlers.

Jaa breaks more people’s bones in one scene than Steven Segal has in his whole career.

This movie does for breaking bones what bullets did for The Killer.

Almost all the fights are perfectly choreographed and breathlessly paced. The standout scene in which Jaa battles hoods nonstop as he ascends a five story staircase is filmed in one continuous single take and is simply some of the best kung fu action I have ever seen. The finale where Jaa straps elephant bones to his wrists and beats the snot out of people is equally cool as is his knee attack plunge off a high rise building. This is one movie that will leave you on the edge of your seat. (Seriously, I hate that cliché “on the edge of your seat”, but I’ll be damned if that isn’t where my ass was during most of this flick.)

Moral of the story: Do NOT steal Tony Jaa’s elephants or he will fuck you up with his bad ass knees for 90 minutes!

Jackie Chan has a cameo in a scene similar to the one in The Rundown between The Rock and Arnold Schwarzenegger (or maybe like the one in Staying Alive between John Travolta and Sylvester Stallone). He also starred in a film called The Protector which wasn’t nearly half as good as this one.

AKA: Honor of the Dragon. AKA: Ong Bak 2. AKA: Warrior King.
Tags: action, kung fu, p
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