May 5th, 2008

THE DRACULA SAGA (1975) * ½

A pregnant chick and her clueless hubby return to her ancestral home for an overdue vacation.  She learns that her grandfather is none other than Dracula himself and he’s especially happy to become a great granddad.  Once the baby comes out with a taste for human blood, mama goes nutzo, grabs an axe and begins to chop down her family tree one by one until she hacks Grandpa Dracula’s head off while he’s sleeping in his coffin. 

 

The cinematography is very lush and parts of the movie often look like a painting, but the problem is that most paintings are faster paced than this flick.  To say The Dracula Saga is boring as all get out would be a tremendous understatement (people don’t start getting wacked by the axe until the last five minutes of the movie), but at least it does have a couple things going for it.  First and foremost is the nudity.  This movie may be the cinematic equivalent of a catatonic state, but at least there a lot of luscious ladies running around without the benefit of a T-shirt on.  I especially liked the chicks who voluntarily ripped their blouses off so old Drac could suck the life out of them.  Those girls get an A for effort.

 

While things occasionally perk up whenever a naked chick pops up and bites someone, for the most part, the movie plays out like a bad Telemundo soap opera with atrocious dubbing.  It also suffers from some stupendously stupid logic.  Okay so this chick grows up, marries, gets knocked up, and JUST NOW discovers that her pop-pop is a vampire?  And not just any vampire, but Dracula for God’s sakes! 

 

Anyhoo, whenever director Leon (“Kill-‘em-off-skee!”) Klimovsky isn’t boring you to death with his lethargic pacing, he does toss in a random ass monster like a one eyed mutant or a goofy looking man-bat (I would say “Batman”, but I didn’t see a utility belt on this guy) to make you go “Whisky Tango Foxtrot!”  If you manage to stay awake through this one, you’ll be treated to one of the fakest looking dummies you’ve even seen in a motion picture.  Klimovsky also helmed the equally inane The Vampire’s Night Orgy.

 

AKA:  Dracula:  The Bloodline Continues.  AKA:  Saga of Dracula.  AKA:  The Saga of the Draculas.