May 11th, 2008

ROTTWEILER (2004) *

Remember a while back when I reviewed Vengeance, the killer dog flick where Jason (The Exorcist) Miller escaped from prison and was chased by a crazed canine?  Rottweiler is pretty much the same deal.  The only difference between the two is that Vengeance was set in the present day and this one is all futuristic and shit.  That means instead of just an ordinary run of the mill dog, we get a robotic Terminator canine. 

 

The other thing Vengeance and this have in common is that they both suck. 

 

The plot has these two dudes escaping from a futuristic prison (remember, this takes place in the future) while shackled together.  The sinister warden (Paul Naschy, from a zillion other Spanish made horror movies) sends out Robo-Pooch to chow down on the prisoners.  When the dog bites off one of the prisoners’ shackled hands, the other gets free and escapes into the night.  The rest of the movie is one big chase as the clueless convict is hunted by the cyborg canine. 

 

Every now and then, director Brian Yuzna will deliver the goods (like Beyond Re-Animator), but more often than not, he specializes in shitfests like this.   I’ll give Yuzna credit for staging the Robo-Dog attacks adequately and tossing in a fair share of gore, but everything else in the film is pretty worthless.  The story is told through flashbacks, which makes the pacing quite erratic and what passes for “action” is absolute rubbish.  The irritating non-ending is an utter disappointment and the CGI (Crappy Generic Imagery) effects are downright horrible.  Yuzna also uses lots of annoying and unnecessary Blurry-Vision POV shots of the animal stalking his prey.  I don’t know about you, but I’ve had it up to here with movies featuring Blurry-Vision POV shots of monsters on the attack.  The awful acting doesn’t help matters either.  While it’s fun seeing Naschy (who has aged remarkably well) hamming it up, the rest of the actors in this flick are pitiful. 

 

Ultimately, the film is one big steaming pile of Robo-Dog shit.