June 4th, 2008

COP KILLERS (1977) * ½

Two disheveled drug dealers (Jason Williams from Flesh Gordon and the producer of the XXX Alice in Wonderland, Bill Osco) get ambushed by the police in the middle of the desert.  There’s a shootout and the duo end up mowing down a couple coppers, then they take off to the big city.  Once there, they impress some chicks by roughing up an elderly ice cream truck vendor and give them free ice cream.  Next, they hijack the truck, throw the driver out of the car while barreling down the highway, and kill some more cops.  After holding up a gas station, the pair gun down a few innocent bystanders for good measure and take a sexy young girl hostage.  They kill a few more cops before driving BACK into the middle of the desert where they sell their wares to a whacked out hippie fence, before getting gunned down by the vengeance seeking fuzz. 


The flick was made by people with mostly porn credits to their name and the film subsequently plays like a bad porno.  As with most 70’s XXX features, there’s fifteen minutes of slow moving “plot”, followed by a money shot, except in this movie we get cop killing instead of ejaculation.  That’s not to say there isn’t a smattering of nudity here and there.  (We are talking about a movie made almost exclusively by pornographers here, people.)  There is an occasional titty or two, but that’s not nearly enough of it to make it all worthwhile. 


The film is also endlessly padded with lots of long monotonous shots of the dealers’ car driving along the empty desert road while dentist office music plays in the background.  Speaking of slow ass driving, the incompetently staged desert car chase climax has to be one of the lousiest edited sequences in film history.


Despite the fact that this movie is dull as all get out, I can at least say a few nice things about it.  The make-up effects (courtesy of a very young Rick Baker) are excellent and some of the bullet wounds are appropriately juicy.  But easily the best thing about the movie is the unintentionally hilarious theme song.  It sounds like a hippied out version of Mr. Bojangles and you’ll want to put it on your Ipod ASAP. 


Another plus about this movie is the incredibly cheesy dialogue.  Osco (who also produced), the more sympathetic of the two losers, gets all the best lines, my favorite being:  “Don’t worry; I’m only a social doper!”


AKA:  Sweet, Mean and Deadly.