December 28th, 2008

REVENGE IN THE HOUSE OF USHER (1982) ½ *

Howard Vernon stars in this shit smear of a Jess Franco movie, tenuously based on an Edgar Allan Poe story.  Vernon plays Dr. Usher, an old dude who keeps his catatonic daughter eternally youthful by giving her blood transfusions from captive virgins.  Since he’s getting senile, he calls upon some other jackass to take over his work, although most of the time he just introduces a bunch of flashbacks.  In the end, the slave girls revolt and murder Usher by singing “Ring Around the Rosie” (!?!) as his castle comes crashing down around him.

 

Revenge in the House of Usher has the dubious distinction of being the worst Franco movie I’ve ever seen.  Worse than The Rites of Frankenstein.  Worse than The Castle of Fu Manchu.  Worse than The Sadistic Baron Von Klaus. 

 

You know, with a Jess Franco flick, you would at least expect to see a little gore or nudity.  In Revenge in the House of Usher you get nada.  There is no gore, no nudity and no point to any of this.  Seriously, how can you make a movie about virgins being held captive in a basement and NOT show off their ta-ta’s?  C’mon Jess, you know better than that.

 

To add insult to injury, Franco also tosses in about 15 minutes of scenes from his The Awful Dr. Orloff and tries to pass them off as flashbacks.  Orloff was never great by any means, but these competently filmed scenes only help to show just how completely worthless the new footage is.  Speaking of worthless, the final scene (God help you if you make it that far) where Usher’s castle crumbles is pretty flipping hilarious.  The special effects are quite lame, but at least they are good for a laugh.  The only other laugh I had during the flick was courtesy of the atrocious dubbing on Usher’s servant.  That dude sounded like Snagglepuss or something. 

 

Franco also did the woeful The Inconfessable Orgies of Emanuelle the same year.

 

AKA:  Neurosis.  AKA:  Revolt in the House of Usher.  AKA:  Zombie 5.