April 24th, 2009

SLAUGHTER HIGH (1986) ***

Marty (Simon Scuddamore, who committed suicide shortly after the film was released) is a nerd who gets a cruel practical joke played on him by all the popular kids on April Fool’s Day (which also happens to be Marty’s birthday).  After the jocks get punished by the strict gym teacher, they retaliate by playing another prank on Marty.  This one goes horribly wrong and leaves his face scarred by acid.  At the ten year high school reunion, Marty returns wearing a jester’s mask to kill all of his tormentors.

 

This movie is about as dumb as a box of hammers, but it sure is a lot of fun.  I have a soft spot (or perhaps high tolerance is a better term) for 80’s revenge slasher flicks so I probably will give this flick more stars than most reviewers would.  Hey, I don’t about art, but I know what I like.  

 

I’ll admit that a lot of Slaughter High is pretty bad.  A lot of people will be turned off by the sheer stupidity of some of the characters.  For example; Marty’s potential victims idiotically think that he won’t kill them after noon.  Then there are the stupid sluts who continue to fuck guys even after their friends have been found murdered.  (Although this adds to the Tit Count, so this is a minor complaint.)  There’s also star Caroline (Maniac) Munro’s dumbass habit of conveniently leaving weapons next to the unconscious killer.  Speaking of Munro, you’ll also get a kick out of the fact that she was 36 freaking years old and still playing a teenager!  Then again, she still looks hot as Hell, so who gives a fuck?

 

You also have to deal with Marty’s gratuitous cock shots (even though the actor is clearly seen wearing pants in the previous scene).  And the fact that most of the British cast let their English accents slip… a lot.  And you have to put up with composer Harry (Friday the 13th) Manfredini’s horrible electronic score (although he does throw in the Ki-Ki-Ki Ha-Ha-Ha sound when someone plays a prank while wearing a hockey mask).  And the visible boom mikes.

 

Fuck it, I don’t care

 

Look, OK I could sit here and rag on Slaughter High all day.  But say what you will about this movie, it does have some pretty fucking awesome death scenes.  We get crucifixion on a coat rack (of course, the only black guy in the cast is the first to die), a dude’s stomach exploding after he guzzles acidic beer, a sword through the stomach, a literal acid bath (great face melting effects), a guy getting stuck underneath the whirring blades of a riding lawnmower, death while fucking on an electrified bed, axe to the face, javelin to the stomach, and last but not least; a hypodermic to the eyeball.  There are also a few really good April Fool’s jokes (the one involving a funnel is the best) that I’ll have to remember for next year.

 

Slaughter High was produced by schlockmeister Dick Randall (He even has a cameo as a sleazy movie producer!), the man who gave the world the immortal classic, Pieces.  Slaughter High isn’t in the same league as that flick, but they are definitely kindred spirits.  

 

Best line:  “The doctors say that he’ll never be fit for human company again!”