May 22nd, 2009

HITCH HIKE TO HELL (1977) * ½

Howard (Robert Gribben) is a nerdy mama’s boy that drives around in his work van and picks up ugly dumpy-looking chicks hitchhiking.  Initially Howard seems tame enough, but whenever the girls mention that they are running away from their mothers, he snaps and proceeds to rape and strangle them.  Russell (The Professor!) Johnson stars as the caring cop who tries to bring the sicko to justice.

 

Although Hitch Hike to Hell sounds promising at first, it features way too much tease and not enough sleaze.  The main problem is that the girls are all dogs.  Words just cannot describe how hideous these chicks look.  Luckily, most of them do show off their racks, so that’s a good thing.  

 

The film is largely a failure because Irvin (The Monster of Piedras Blancas) Berwick directed it without an iota of tension.  All the attacks are more or less the same and most of the violence happens off screen.  Berwick does deliver a pretty funny scene when a gay guy hitches a ride with the killer, but for the most part, Hitch Hike to Hell is just one long monotonous bore.  There is a great country & western title song that you have to hear to believe.  That thing is freakin’ hilarious.  It says a lot though when a country song is the best part of your sexploitation movie.

 

Gribben fares OK as the hitchhiker hating geek and adequately displays his character’s psychotic tendencies.  Johnson is fun to watch in his brief role, even though he looks like he’d rather be taking a three hour cruise.  His presence lends the flick it’s only sliver of credibility, so I hope he was at least well paid for his services.