September 13th, 2009


A bunch of gay and lesbian couples stay at a rundown bed and breakfast owned by a crazy woman who worships George W. Bush… literally.  The crazy proprietor also has a lezbo daughter who has eyes for the female guests.  Her mad mamma has other plans for her though; namely scaring one lucky gay guy straight so that they can mate.  There’s also a rabid half redneck-half maggot monster roaming the grounds who munches down on several horrified homosexuals.


You know, I could see where The Gay Bed and Breakfast of Terror MIGHT have been good.  It’s got a pseudo-Troma vibe coupled with a whacked out premise.  Too bad the kills are all weak and the effects look like they came from a Hot Topic Halloween half-off sale.  I mean the Maggot Guy looks like he’s wearing a sleeping bag covered in Nickelodeon Slime for Christ’s sake.  Plus, most of the scenes of “Terror” are just gratuitous shots of guys wearing ass-less leather chaps.


What’s worse is that this movie runs 108 freaking minutes.  Seriously.  No direct-to-DVD horror movie needs to be any longer than 90 minutes.  Most would be better off at 75 minutes.  This one just goes on and on and on.  And just when you think it’s over, it isn’t.  Then they start with the flashbacks.  By the time the stupid “twist” ending comes about, you’ll be scrambling for the STOP button.

EATING RAOUL (1982) ***

The awesome Paul Bartel and Mary Woronov star as Paul and Mary Bland, a hard working couple who would do anything to start their own restaurant.  Appalled that their apartment building has become a haven for swingers, they try to keep to themselves.  When one horny guy busts into their apartment and tries to rape Mary, Paul kills him with a frying pan.  Before disposing of the body, Paul steals the guy’s wallet.  Pretty soon, the Blands place a swinger’s ad for themselves and kill the repugnant thrill seekers for their cash.  When a cholo named Raoul (Robert Beltran) stumbles onto their scheme, he offers to get rid of the bodies (he sells them to a dog food factory) in exchange for a cut of the money.  He also falls in love with Mary, which causes some problems for everybody.


Eating Raoul is a love letter to the American Dream gone horribly wrong.  Directed with a lot of style by Bartel on an obviously low budget, the film is filled with moments of delicious black comedy.  As good as the film is, it never quite lives up to it’s potential.  While I wish Bartel had gone a bit more for the jugular (after all, this is the guy who directed Death Race 2000 here), I still admire the flick a lot.  It’s clever and consistently entertaining throughout and the performances are terrific.  Bartel and Woronov had been in a lot of pictures together but their chemistry here is dynamite.  I also enjoyed seeing Buck Henry, Ed Begley Jr., Billy Curtis, and “The Real” Don Steele too.