September 29th, 2009

RED LIPS 2: BLOODLUST (1996) *

I avoided the first Red Lips movie because it was a low budget shot-on-video vampire movie from the king of low budget shot-on-video vampire movies, Donald Farmer.  If you ever saw Farmer’s Vampire Cop, you know what I mean.  The only reason I sat through this one was because Debbie Rochon is in it.  Debbie is one of my all time favorite Scream Queens in the history of Scream Queens and I’d watch her in just about anything.  As much as I love Debbie; I have to say that this flick is bad.  Real bad.  Excruciatingly bad.

 

The plot (excuse me for laughing hysterically while typing the word “plot”) is pretty much just three separate unrelated stories cobbled together by someone possessing the editing skills of a narcoleptic chimpanzee.  In the main story, a tranny looking lesbian vampire turns a skanky biker babe into a bloodsucker and makes her drink the blood of her dumb boyfriend.  The other tale involves Debbie sitting in a bar and talking about weird dreams and vampire movies with this ugly chick.  The third part is a boring film-within-a-film where this broad with a really bad accent walks around smoking cigarettes and gives people a virus which makes them froth at the mouth.  The title sequence (which is just two naked chicks sitting on a bed with old vampire movies projected onto their bare bodies) is also repeated halfway into the movie to further pad the running time to 70 minutes.

 

And brother is it ever a long 70 minutes.

 

I had to sit through a whole lot of bad, poorly shot, and painfully unsexy lesbian vampire crap just to see my girl Debbie, and although it wasn’t really worth the wait, she was looking damn fine just the same.  Seriously folks, the sex scenes in this movie were about as sexy as painting a house.  The women caress each other with all the sensuality of someone running their hand against the wall of a dark room looking for a light switch.  The music during these scenes has to be the worst in cinema history.  It sounds like a half-assed techno remix of a bad Natalie Merchant song.

 

To make matters worse, most of the girls in the movie were 3’s and 4’s.  Since Debbie is a 10+; it was OK.  She doesn’t get naked or anything (sigh) but her performance is light years better than everyone else in this sorry mess.  Being the die hard fan I am; I can easily rattle off a half a dozen of her films that are ten times better as this hemorrhoid of celluloid.  They are:  Tromeo and Juliet, Santa Claws, Terror Firmer, Erotic Survivor, American Nightmare, and Play-Mate of the Apes.  Stick with those and avoid this turd at all costs.

 

AKA:  Virgin Vampire.

SUCCUBUS: HELL-BENT (2007) **

Adam (Robert L. Mann) is a spoiled rich kid (and jet pilot) who goes to Cancun for Spring Break where he hooks up with a sexy Succubus named Lilith (Natalie Denise Sperl).  She follows him back home to LA (Los Angeles not Louisiana) where the jealous demoness slaughters his girlfriend and implicates him in the crime.  To save his soul and clear his name, Adam consults with a crackpot “Demon Hunter” (Gary Busey) who gives him the tools he needs to vanquish the tantalizing temptress.

 

Succubus:  Hell Bent isn’t the worst Direct to DVD horror movie featuring a bunch of washed-up actors (in addition to Busey we get David Keith as Adam’s dad and Lorenzo Lamas as Adam’s flight instructor) released this century.  The saving grace is Sperl’s excellent performance as Lilith.  She also looks great in skintight leather S & M get-ups.  She looks even better wearing nothing at all.

 

The big problem with the movie is Mann.  He isn’t really an actor and he makes for an incredibly annoying hero.  A lot of his dialogue is nothing more than irritating slang (Example:  “I gotta bounce!”) that will grate on your fucking nerves.  The CGI is also piss-poor and will make you yearn for the good old days of spirit gun and latex.  Another major debit is that far too much of the film consists of lame scenes of teens partying or clubbing while a bunch of shitty Emo songs fill up the soundtrack.

 

Most of Succubus:  Hell Bent is moronic but it does manage to be watchable in a HUH?!? kind of way.  I mean when’s the last time you saw a sultry Succubus flying a fighter jet and going all Top Gun on Lorenzo Lamas?  That level of WTF-ness is at least good enough for Two Stars in my book.

THE ATOMIC CITY (1952) **

A nuclear physicist works at Los Alamos perfecting formulas that lead to the creation of the atomic bomb.  When the Russkies hear about his top secret work, they kidnap his son and demand that he hand over all of his notes as ransom.  The Feds intervene and work together with the good doctor to get his son back and stop the scheming spies.

 

The Atomic City is a competently made, yet thoroughly unmemorable and unspectacular Cold War thriller.  Yeah, this movie might have worked in the midst of Cold War paranoia but I was left unmoved by the whole thing.  I mean I watched this damned movie because I thought it was going to be about an “Atomic City”.  Unfortunately that just happens to be the town’s nickname because of all of the atomic testing and whatnot.  The bitter actuality is that the flick is just a stuffy and sometimes dull kidnapping melodrama. 

 

On the plus side, Gene (War of the Worlds) Barry delivers a fine performance as the physicist father trying to get his boy back from the spy ring.  There was a pretty cool opening showing us the inner workings of Los Alamos as well.  If low budget B Movies about the Red Scare are your cup of tea, you’ll dig it, I’m sure.  I still say it would’ve been a lot better if an A-Bomb got dropped on somebody or if a spider ran through the atomic test site and grew to enormous proportions but that’s just me I guess.