September 5th, 2010

WIFE TO BE SACRIFICED (1974) *** ½

A pervert kidnaps his ex-wife and takes her to his shack in the woods where he rapes her.  Then he ties her up and fucks her with a lit candle.  After that, he makes her poop in a bucket while he watches.  When she tries to escape, he ties her up again and pours hot candle wax all over her hoo-ha until she starts to like it.  Then the inevitable happens, they fall back in love with one another.  The duo then kidnaps another couple which predictably leads to more rope bondage, pooping, and fucking.

 

Man, who needs couples therapy when you have some rope, candles, and a bucket to poop in?

 

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, the Japanese know how to make a kinky movie.  And boy is this ever one kinky momma jamma!  Seriously, if you have a candle wax, rope, or poop fetish, then Wife to Be Sacrificed will give you a boner for the entire 70 minute running time.  Out of those three fetishes, I have to say that only two of those things turns me on (guess which two), so I liked the movie a lot more than most straight-laced viewers will.

 

Honestly, there’s really no way to review a movie like Wife to Be Sacrificed as it will only appeal to a very select audience.  If it turns you on, then it succeeded.  If however all the scenes of S & M rope bondage, candle wax dripping, and shitting in buckets doesn’t do anything for you (besides turn your stomach that is), then avoid this movie at all costs.

ZERO HOUR! (1957) ***

Ted Stryker (Dana Andrews) hasn’t been the same since his risky flying inadvertently caused the death of several pilots during the war.  When his wife tries to leave him, Ted impulsively follows her onto an airplane to talk to her.  Of course, she doesn’t want anything to do with him because he’s losing his marbles.  When an outbreak of food poisoning makes the pilots gravely ill, there is no one left to fly the plane except for Ted.  Will Ted be able to save the lives of the passengers, or will he crack under the pressure?

 

If the plot of Zero Hour! sounds familiar, it’s because this is the movie that Airplane! made fun of.  If you know that comedy classic by heart (like I do), then you’re guaranteed to have a blast with this flick.  You’ll definitely have a feeling of déjà vu while watching it because some of the situations, character names, and dialogue are identical.  It’s also a lot of fun seeing the actors playing things very, very seriously (especially Sterling Hayden as Stryker’s former commanding officer). 

 

Curiously, Zero Hour! is still fairly entertaining in it’s own right.  It’s a solid little B level disaster movie melodrama that probably didn’t deserved to get lampooned, but I’m glad it did.  Although the pacing is a bit uneven, it’s a heck of a lot more entertaining than those cheap Airport sequels, that’s for damn sure.  Speaking of Airport, the script was co-written by none other than that film’s screenwriter, Arthur Hailey.  This guy sure as shit got a lot of mileage out of airborne disaster movies, didn’t he?

BIG BAD MAMA (1974) **

Bonnie and Clyde was such a critical and financial success in 1967 that many low budget imitators followed.  One such flick was producer Roger Corman’s Big Bad Mama.  The only reason it really exists though is because Angie Dickinson goes full frontal in it.  Other than that, it’s kinda dull.

 

Angie and her two daughters (Robbie Lee and Susan Sennett) try to make ends meet during The Prohibition by doing a little bootlegging.  After several run-ins with the law, they head out to California to make a new life for themselves.  They then take to robbing banks with Tom Skerritt and William Shatner and eventually resort to kidnapping in order to secure a million dollar ransom.

 

Now I have a confession to make.  I’ve never seen this movie before but I did watch Big Bad Mama 2 a bunch of times on Skinamax as a teenager.  I don’t know, I remember that one being a lot more fun.  (Of course that could’ve just been the hormones talking.)  At least Part 2 was entertaining in between the gratuitous nude scenes.  Big Bad Mama Numero Uno on the other hand is mostly a joyless affair.  Not even Captain Fucking Kirk could bring a little life to the party.

 

Although Angie looks hot and gets plenty naked, her performance is pretty grating.  The same goes for her daughters.  Robbie Lee, who was so memorable in Switchblade Sisters, is muted here as the one daughter and Susan Sennett (Candy from The Candy Snatchers) doesn’t fare much better as the other daughter.  They both get naked though so I guess it’s not all bad.  Overall, Big Bad Mama isn’t very good but it’s worth a look if you want to see T.J. Hooker bone Police Woman.

 

Shatner, Skerritt, and co-star Joan Prather were also in The Devil’s Rain the following year.