December 17th, 2010

WOMEN IN TROUBLE (2009) * ½

The plot of Women in Trouble is one of those deals where various quirky characters interact with other quirky characters in rambling vignettes that are all vaguely interconnected.  This is the sort of thing that guys like Robert Altman and Paul Thomas Anderson have a field day with.  Unfortunately, director Sebastian Gutierrez is no Robert Altman and/or Paul Thomas Anderson.  No, in fact he’s the guy that made that shitty She-Creature remake a few years back.  Sorry to say, but Women in Trouble isn’t even up to snuff with that effort either.

 

This movie is pretty crappy, mostly because it wastes a good cast of hot babes.  The problem is Gutierrez is just content to sit the camera down and let them ramble on and on about God knows.  The flick has a rather large cast but Gutierrez never pulls them all together so they work as an ensemble.  Instead, what we get is a couple of hot actresses essentially reciting monologues to one another.  The result is rather tedious.

 

Here’s the most telling thing about how bad Women in Trouble is:  You’ve got a world class hottie like Carla Gugino playing a porn star who DOESN’T GET NAKED!  What’s up with that?  Actually, just about every female character in this movie is a slut in one form or another (porn stars, call girls, chicks who have affairs with married men, stewardess, etc.), and none of them pop their tops.  Some of the acting is good (Gugino is excellent), but since all of their scenes more or less go nowhere, it’s all rather pointless and dull.

CANNIBAL CAMPOUT (1988) **

I watch a lot of shitty shot on video horror movies so it’s nice to find one that has better acting, effects, and music than I’m used to.  That doesn’t necessarily make Cannibal Campout a “good” movie.  It just means it’s a helluva lot more tolerable than most of it’s ilk.

 

A bunch of friends decide to go out camping for the weekend in the same woods where several people have disappeared.  It turns out that they were victims of a trio of inbred redneck cannibal brothers.  Little do the campers know, they’re the next entrée on the cannibals’ menu.

 

Cannibal Campout has it’s share of lulls and takes a while to get going.  As much as I wanted to like this flick, I’d be lying if I didn’t say I nodded off a couple times throughout the flick.  The video cinematography is pretty bad and doesn’t do the movie any favors either. 

 

Still, this flick does deliver in the gore department.  There is gut ripping, throat slashing, and axes to the face.  The only downside is that the severed limbs look like they came from Spenser’s Halloween sale or something.  I didn’t care though because it had some tits in it.  And the score is really good; something I definitely wasn’t expecting from a low budget shot on video horror flick.  Plus, the theme song is pretty funny too.  The flick is also notable because the nerd of the group actually gets the girl.  So it’s got that going for it.

 

The sidekick cannibal gets the best line of the flick when he rips out a fetus from a pregnant woman and says, “Hey look, a womb with a view!”