The Video Vacuum (thevideovacuum) wrote,
The Video Vacuum

SILENT HILL (2006) *

Man, if you thought the Super Mario Bros. movie was bad, wait until you see this!

It’s the worst film based on a video game ever.

It makes Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life look like Goldfinger. It makes Doom look like The Terminator. It makes Street Fighter look like Rocky. It makes Mortal Kombat: Annihilation look like Star Trek 2.

It’s sad too, because this movie came with a pedigree. It was written by Roger Avary who directed The Rules of Attraction and co-wrote Pulp Fiction, and was directed by Christophe Gans who directed the best 17th century man-made werewolf vs. kung fu Indian movie, Brotherhood of the Wolf.

Radha (Pitch Black) Mitchell stars as a mother whose sleepwalking daughter wakes up screaming “Silent Hill”, the name of an abandoned town. Mitchell thinks that by taking her daughter to Silent Hill it will hopefully cure her of her night terrors. Big mistake. Upon arrival, she immediately wrecks her car and loses her daughter and has to deal with CGI monsters whenever the town’s air raid warning sounds. She and a cop (Laurie Holden) try to unlock the mystery of Silent Hill, but unfortunately there’s too many gaps in logic (all the people of the town are obviously dead, but can get killed again) and the plot has more holes in it than Clyde Barrows’ body.

Gans sprinkles in some cool imagery (the triangle head dude with the oversized samurai sword) but most of the movie doesn’t make a lick of sense. The biggest problem is that the film’s individual scenes don’t lead anywhere or have any bearing on the next scene. (Mitchell is chased by a CGI monster from one room to another, only to be chased by… another CGI monster.) The climax does provide some gory goodness, the best being Alice (Star Trek: First Contact) Krige getting an impromptu barb wire hysterectomy. But one impromptu barb wire hysterectomy not a movie make.

Sean (Flightplan) Bean, Kim (Battlefield: Earth) Coates and an unrecognizable Deborah Kara (Crash) Unger co-star. The movie fails the ultimate video game movie test: you’ll rather be playing the game based on the movie than actually watching the movie.

Game Over.
Tags: based on a video game, horror, s
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