The Video Vacuum (thevideovacuum) wrote,
The Video Vacuum
thevideovacuum

THE BEING (1983) ***

Well, the nuclear run off facility was SUPPOSED to be safe, but of course when there’s a giant one eyed slimy, greasy, gooey monster with razor sharp teeth and a long tongue running around ripping off folk’s heads, everyone points the finger at Martin Landau cuz he said everything was okay.  This monster runs around on roller skates and turns itself into a puddle of slime and eats cats while the woefully inept hero played by “Rexx Coltrane” (actually producer William Osco) tries to simultaneously save the day and (unsuccessfully) bang a coffee shop waitress.  Meanwhile Mayor Jose Ferrer is busy getting drunk while his dingbat wife played by Ruth Buzzi of all people throws Tupperware parties and organizes Easter egg hunts.  

Nothing in this movie makes a whole heck of a lot of sense.  Not only does the hero make pointless observations via the miracle of voice over, but we also get a local D.J. and a concerned narrator (“The ultimate terror has taken form!”) who try in vain to keep the plot hanging together.  The plotline featuring a crazy ass Dorothy Malone looking for her missing son is never resolved and it’s never explained why Landau goes from telling everyone that everything’s fine to racking a shotgun and kicking monster ass in the span of like a minute.  And they don’t even try to explain the monster’s penchant for attacking people in parked cars.  (The film’s best scene takes place at a drive-in where a stoner patron says “Fuck you” to the monster.)  Well I guess the narrator tries to warn us in the beginning when he foretells “Strange and unexplained events are occurring!”  Still the gore for this kind of thing is above average and any movie in which Laugh-In’s Ruth Buzzi gets killed by a slimy mutated hellbeast is okay by me.  

Sure we’ve seen it all before, but have we seen it with Kinky Friedman and Murray “The Unknown Comic” Langston?  Director Jackie (Blood Diner) Kong also throws in a record amount of scenes where a monster throws the hero into stacks of cardboard boxes.  Bar none the best slimy mutant monster running amok on Easter Sunday movie ever.  

AKA:  Easter Sunday.  AKA:  Freak.  AKA:  The Pottsville Terror.

Tags: b, horror
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