The Video Vacuum (thevideovacuum) wrote,
The Video Vacuum
thevideovacuum

THE DEFENDER (2004) *

 

Dolph Lundgren not only stars, but he DIRECTS. 

 

Jerry Springer co-stars as the PRESIDENT. 

 

Have I got your attention now?  Thought so. 

 

Okay, so now you immediately know everything you need to know about this movie.  If you are the kind of person who would never watch a movie that Dolph Lundgren would star in, let alone direct, you can probably stop reading this review now.  If you are the kind of person who would never watch The Jerry Springer Show, let alone a movie in which he plays the president of all people, you can probably stop reading this review now. 

 

Are you still here? 

 

Anyway, this is one lame and boring Direct to DVD “political thriller”.  I say political thriller because for half the flick it feels like you’re watching CNN:  The Movie as a bunch of talking heads keep blabbering on about how much the President’s new peace plan blows goat’s nuts.  Meanwhile in a hotel in Bucharest, Dolph has to protect the Condoleezza Rice stand-in AND the Osama Bin Laden stand-in from being murdered by a group of crazed Americans who are sick and tired of being lied to by the government. 

 

Are you getting any of this?  Neither did I. 

 

Anyway the REAL reason Dolph is playing cat and mouse with terrorists in a Bucharest hotel is because it’s dirt cheap to film your Direct to DVD action movie in Bucharest, and it’s EVEN CHEAPER when you never have to leave your hotel room. 

 

I strongly recommend you do not attempt to drive a car or operate heavy machinery after viewing this one. 

 

Even though Dolph sleepwalks through the movie (he doesn’t handle multi-tasking well apparently), at least Springer gets the classic line:  “You messed with the wrong country and you fucked with the wrong President!” 

 

Sign him up for Air Force One 2. 

 

As terrible Straight to DVD action movies that involve ridiculous stunt casting for the Commander in Chief go, this one’s about on par with Land of the Free which starred William Shatner as the Prez.    

Tags: action, d, dolph lundgren
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