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BATS: HUMAN HARVEST (2007) *

I’m a little bit confused.  Is this supposed to be a sequel to the awful 1999 Lou Diamond Phillips killer bat movie, Bats?  And if so, why the heck did they wait EIGHT YEARS to release it?  I ask this because this flick has NOTHING to do with that movie (other than of course, the killer bats), but then again that’s never stopped the Sci-Fi Channel from showing unrelated sequels in the past. 

 

The first Bats movie (which I think we all could agree was a turd) at least had the benefit of Richie Valens blowing away bloodthirsty bats.  This flick only has a bunch of no named losers fending off the nocturnal nightmares. 

 

The movie starts out with a bunch of Russkie soldiers being attacked by killer bats; then the plot begins.  A bunch of indistinguishable soldiers played by interchangeable actors go on a training mission hunting for Al-Qaeda terrorists on the Russian border.  A stone faced Russian broad is hired to lead the troops to their main objective, but of course, no one really trusts her because she’s a Commie.  They find a bunch of rebel freedom fighters torn to shreds and pretty soon get attacked by killer bats themselves.  They learn the hard way that the bats also have the ability to camouflage themselves into their surroundings, which makes them that much harder to kill. 

 

The soldiers run afoul of a mad doctor (actually he isn’t really THAT mad, he’s more like a cranky doctor) who has genetically engineered the bats to be unstoppable killing machines.  They apprehend that Commie and try to extract him out of Russia, but of course, the bats get loose and turn most of the cast into Bat Chow. 

 

The special effects are surprisingly rather good and are easily the best thing this pile of guano has going for it.  When you compare the CGI bat effects to those in the first film (or your average Sci-Fi Channel Original for that matter), these effects look like Jurassic Park quality.  Even the practical animatronic models are pretty decent, and the “camouflage” effects aren’t the worst you’ve ever seen. 

 

The gore is OK by Sci-Fi Channel standards.  We get a few severed arms and one exploding body, but most of the victims die from being nibbled on by bats. 

 

Too bad everything else about this crappy movie is a complete waste of time.  The plot, action sequences and especially the acting are all the pits and you may find yourself doing your laundry, preparing your taxes or painting the OUTSIDE of your house in between the bat attacks. 

 

The dialogue is pretty sparse in this flick, but the cranky pants doctor does get to say to an inept guard, “I’d hate to have to breed your replacement.”  But it’s the lone wolf commando/leading man who gets the movie’s best lines like “Bats bounce right off of me!” and “Teamwork sucks!” 

 

So does the movie. 

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