The Video Vacuum (thevideovacuum) wrote,
The Video Vacuum
thevideovacuum

FRANKENFISH (2004) *

At one point someone says, “Some things are worse than dying!” 

 

Yeah, this movie. 

 

There’s been a rash of mutilated bodies turning up in a swampland community and a medical examiner and a wildlife ranger investigate.  Turns out a big game hunter has bioengineered his own breed of gigantic mutant fish, just because he ran out of animals to hunt.  The monster is amphibious and can leap out of the water to chow down on it’s prey and in the end, it blows up real good. 

 

It sounds stupid.  It is stupid. 

 

The CGI monster effects aren’t the worse thing you’ve seen on the Sci-Fi Channel, but that isn’t exactly a glowing compliment.  The gore is more than adequate for this kind of thing as we get to see bloody arm stumps and legs being chomped off and there's a pretty spectacular decapitation complete with high pressured blood spurting too.  The gore can only carry this thing so far though. 

 

Like in most horror movies, a black guy is the first to die (he gets turned into human chum), but I guess they tried to make up for it by having the hero be black too.  All the acting uniformly sucks.  Not even a token appearance by Stranger Than Paradise’s Richard Edson can salvage this stinker.  There’s also a gratuitous set-up for a sequel that hopefully will never happen in this lifetime. 

 

This movie proves my theory that no one should ever give a camera to director Mark (Spawn) Dippe, even if you only want him to take a Polaroid of you and your girlfriend on vacation.  Then again, if you ever find yourself watching a movie called Frankenfish on the Sci-Fi Channel, you probably get what you deserve. 

 

An unkempt fisherman gets the movie’s best line:  “If some strange man stuck his hand in your hole, wouldn’t you bite him?” 

 
Tags: f, horror
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