John (Robot Monster) Mylong hires George Rowe (director of Black Mamba) to go to a mysterious island and look for some rare pearls. Once there, he encounters a coven of topless mermaids led by Diane (Sinthia, the Devil Doll) Webber. Timothy (Paths of Glory) Carey co-stars as a greedy treasure hunter who’s also after the pearls who gets his kicks by spear gunning mermaids.
Writer/producer/director John Lamb was also responsible for the great underwater photography. In fact, he spent so much time perfecting the cinematography that he kinda forgot to throw in much of a plot. You can also tell that all the budget went to the underwater cameras because Lamb could afford to put a tail on only one of the mermaids (the other mermaids are seen wearing g-strings made of algae) BUT at least they are all topless.
The Mermaids of Tiburon is also padded with more ponderous narration (“It was here at the beginning of time where all life began.”) and stock wildlife footage (otters, sharks, etc.) than you can shake a fish stick at. The flick moves along at a waterlogged pace, but if you’re watching this solely to ogle topless women swimming underwater, you’ll have a blast. One thing is for sure, I’ll take these mermaids over Esther Williams any day.
Of all the mind numbing narration, the line “A shark chaperone? Well, at least she was in good hands”, was my favorite.
AKA: The Aqua Sex.