The Video Vacuum (thevideovacuum) wrote,
The Video Vacuum
thevideovacuum

VAMPIRE HONEYMOON (1992) *

 

A pair of cops pose as a honeymooning couple to catch a killer.  They really do fall in love but a sexy ghost breaks the couple up when she turns the dude into a bloodthirsty vampire.  Pretty soon the guy’s going out on the prowl putting the bite on a bunch of skinny Chinese club bitches.  The ghost then explains that all she really wants is for him to find the man who killed her, who happens to be her husband.  In the end, an exorcist rids the cop of his vampirism and he and his new bride live happily ever after. 

 

Not much of this movie makes a heck of a lot of sense.  Like for instance, how can a ghost turn you into a vampire?  Don’t you need to be bitten by a vampire in order to turn into one?  It also irked me that in the end, the ghost ends up getting revenge on her husband all by herself, so why the Hell did she even need to change the cop into a vampire? 

 

The acting is the pits, the story is all over the place and the pacing is slower than molasses.  It doesn’t help when most of the movie plays more like a scenic travelogue than a horror movie either.  Don’t even get me started on the idiotic dream sequences featuring giant balls of rolling shit and vampire ravers.  Speaking of ravers, what the Hell was up with the excessive Chinese club dancing in this movie?  If I heard that techno crap song (“Survive the Human Race”) one more damn time I was about to drive a wooden stake through my DVD player. 

 

Fans of Hong Kong horror and vampire aficionados will be the only ones able to stomach this lethargic, tedious and innocuous flick.  All others avoid it at all costs.   

Tags: horror, v, vampires
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