The Video Vacuum (thevideovacuum) wrote,
The Video Vacuum

CYBORG 2 (1993) **

I admit, I’ve never actually sat down and watched the first Cyborg all the way through, but if you ask me, the prospect of seeing a before she was famous Angelina Jolie and an over the hill Jack Palance in a low budget straight to video sequel seems a lot more appealing. The funny thing about this flick is that Palance had won an OSCAR two years earlier and was still only able to get roles in low budget straight to video sequels like this one.


In the future, there are two warring corporations (one is Japanese, the other American) vying to corner the market on cyborgs.  The Americans make a breakthrough when they create a cyborg blow-up doll.


And when I say blow-up doll I MEAN blow-up doll, as the bitch literally explodes during sex.  (“Every time she screws somebody, she’ll explode!”) 


They then program another kickboxing blow-up doll (an 18 year old Jolie) to destroy the competition.  Things don’t go as planned when she falls in love with her martial arts instructor (Elias Koteas) and rebels against the corporation.  Together they try to elude the corporation’s stooges with a little help from an omnipotent freedom fighter played by Palance. 


Palance presides over the film by showing up on the TV a lot, introducing scenes from the first Cyborg movie, and spouting a bunch of gibberish.  (“I can throw a monkey into anybody’s wrench!”)  His character may be utterly stupid, but his appearances are always good for a chuckle.  Jolie is little more than sexy eye candy, but just seeing her naked during her barely legal days is almost enough to make this flick worthwhile.  Koteas makes for a bland hero, but the always slimy Billy (Delta Force 2) Drago makes a pretty good impression as the junkie bounty hunter who dresses like a 40’s gangster.


Action fans shouldn’t let Van Damme’s absence discourage them from checking this out as it’s got plenty of B Grade kickboxing in it.  It’s not great by any stretch of the imagination, but there are hundreds of worse low budget direct to video sequels out there you could waste your time with. 


As much as I liked seeing Palance saying hilarious shit like “If you want to dine with the devil, you’re going to need a long spoon!”, it’s Koteas who gets the best line of the movie:  “I can’t get caught for Grand Theft Robot!”


AKA:  Glass Shadow.

Tags: c, sci-fi, sequel

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