The Video Vacuum (thevideovacuum) wrote,
The Video Vacuum
thevideovacuum

SNAKEHEAD TERROR (2004) * ½

 

Okay, I don’t know if you guys remember me saying a few weeks ago that I was going to stop taping these crummy Sci-Fi Channel Original Movies off of TV.  Well, I’m sorry, but sometimes I just can’t help myself.  You know, I sit down in front of the tube and I’ll see ONE name in the cast, and I’ll be like, “Okay, I’ll give this one a chance, cuz it’s got that dude in it.”  Yeah, I know they all end up sucking hardcore, but I’m sorry I just can’t help myself.

 

This time, I saw the name Bruce Boxleitner and said, “Fuck, when’s the last time I saw Bruce Boxleitner in ANYTHING?”  So I said to myself, “Okay, I know this is just the seventh billionth Sci-Fi Channel Original Movie where Human Growth Hormones turn Killer Fish into GIANT Mutant Killer Fish that attack a small town during it’s big fishing tournament weekend, but dammit, this time it isn’t Jeffrey Combs, Gary Busey, or Lance Henriksen fighting the Giant Mutant Killer Fish, it’s Tron for God sakes!!”  

 

Too bad he forgot his high tech Frisbee. 

 

Despite the presence of Boxleitner, Snakehead Terror is the same old, same old.  Everything you usually see in a Sci-Fi Channel Original Movie is here:  Underwater stalking scenes, annoying teen characters, shoddy CGI effects, dead dogs, a gruff sheriff (Boxleitner), a morose coroner pulling Giant Mutant Killer Fish teeth out of dead bodies, the mayor who refuses to close the beaches, the slow-witted deputy, the sexy biologist played by a former model (Carol Alt), the wormy tabloid reporter, etc., etc., etc.  The only difference between this flick and the myriad of others you see on Sci-Fi is that the monsters in this one are amphibious so they can stalk their prey in the water AND on land.  That means that not only do we get plenty of Jaws style attack scenes, but also a Night of the Living Fish ending as well. 

 

In short, it’s nothing you haven’t already seen a thousand times on Sci-Fi already.  I’m starting to resent why they call these things Sci-Fi Channel “Originals” because there isn’t anything “original” about them.  They’re all the same damned movie if you ask me. 

 

The gore is surprisingly decent for this sort of thing (severed torsos, severed legs, severed heads, etc.) and there’s a nifty scene in which a voracious snakehead gets shoved into an outboard motor, but that’s only enough to bump this thing up into * ½ territory. 

 

Hey, you watch a crappy Sci-Fi Channel Original Movie about Giant Mutant Killer Fish on the strength of one 80’s has-been, you get what you deserve.

 

One of the annoying teenagers gets the movie’s best line:  “Tell me where that giant piece of sushi is going!”

Tags: horror, s
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