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CEMETERY OF TERROR (1985) **

Here’s a ripe slice of Mexican What the Fuck Cinema.  Cemetery of Terror starts out as a third rate South of the Border Halloween rip-off and switches gears halfway through and becomes Night of the Living Goonies.  It sure doesn’t make a whole heck of a lot of sense, but I’ve certainly seen worse.

 

On Halloween night, a hulking satanic killer named Devlon murders a woman in an elevator and is promptly gunned down by the cops.  His impassioned doctor knows he’s got some sort of occult power so he advises that his body be cremated, but the police refuse.  Meanwhile, a bunch of college kids break into the cemetery for a party (the girls think they’re going to a “jet set” party and are extremely disappointed) and drink a bunch of Pepsi Free and listen to a lot of fake 50’s rock music.  They get bored, so they decide to steal a body from a morgue (always my idea of a good time on a slow Friday night). 

 

I’ll give you ten guesses whose body they steal and the first ten don’t count.

 

The idiotic teens read some satanic rites over the body, which naturally brings the maniacal killer back to life.  While all this is going on, Devlon’s doctor is frantically running around Mexico like a refried version of Dr. Loomis looking for the body, but when he finally shows up at the cemetery, it’s too late ‘cause Devlon’s torn everybody to shreds with his unhygienic fingernails. 

 

Because all the annoying teenagers are dead, that means that a bunch of trick-or-treating youngsters has to show up to carry the rest of the movie.  When the Menudo Fan Club goes into the cemetery, they are terrorized by zombies who rise out of their graves and chase the little tykes around for about a half hour or so.   Eventually, the kids get sense enough to throw Devlon’s evil book into the fireplace to vanquish the zombies.

 

I don’t have any confirmation on this, but it seems to me like the editor got blasted on Tequila and accidentally Scotch taped two unrelated horror movies together. 

 

The first half of the movie is a thoroughly mediocre Halloween knockoff.  Besides ripping off the Dr. Loomis character, there’s also a scene where the killer lifts a victim off the ground that’s just like in Halloween.  (The synth music also sounds awfully similar to Carpenter’s score too.)  This section of the film does have some juicy, gory kills (the killer has a penchant for ripping out people’s guts with his bare hands) and some surprising moments (like the self inflicted axe-to-the-head death), but things take a turn for the worse when the movie becomes nothing but the Menudo Fan Club running around the graveyard.

 

Although the first part of the movie mostly consisted of lame-o party scenes and characters wandering aimlessly around in the dark waiting to be butchered, at least when they DID get butchered, it was pretty good.  The second half of the film, while featuring some impressive zombie make-up, is thoroughly innocuous and seems more like outtakes from the Thriller video (one of the snot nosed kids wears a Michael Jackson jacket) than anything else.  The gore also dries up completely in this section of the film and by the end of the movie; things start to resemble a Telemundo version of Goosebumps. 

 

All of this is sporadically entertaining, but in the end, things would’ve been much better if the filmmakers did either Halloween Dos or Menudo Meets the Zombies.  Having both just doesn’t work.    

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