The Video Vacuum (thevideovacuum) wrote,
The Video Vacuum
thevideovacuum

MAMMOTH (2006) ½ *

Aliens come to Earth and possess a prehistoric wooly mammoth frozen in ice that when awakened, rampages through a small town using it’s trunk to suck red-blooded Americans' souls from out of their bodies.

 

Umm… can you say:  STUPIDEST MOVIE EVER?

 

Yeah I know I swore off these idiotic Sci-Fi Channel Original Movies a long time ago, but every once and awhile I see one of these things on TV and just have to watch them against my better judgment.  This time I thought a movie about a wooly mammoth possessed by aliens HAD to be good because it starred Tom Skerritt and any time Tom Skerritt stars in a sci-fi movie, it has to be good, right?  (Remember Alien?)  Besides, it also stars the ultra-hot Summer Glau and any time the ultra-hot Summer Glau stars in a sci-fi movie, it has to be good, right?  (Remember Serenity?) 

 

Jesus, it’s time to finally admit I have a problem.

 

Director Tim (My Movie Sucks) Cox tosses in so much bad comic relief, characters making references a la Scream to other (better) movies, and tons of awful CGI effects as if to say, “Hey look we KNOW we’re making a bad movie!”, but that doesn’t disguise the fact that Mammoth IS a bad movie.  Really bad.  No kind of So-Bad-It’s-Good bullshit excuses apply here.  You could use this movie to clean the floor mats of your ‘87 Buick, it sucks that bad. 

 

Mammoth doesn’t work as a spoof, a straight-up monster movie, OR a lame-ass Sci-Fi Original.  The scene where the couple necking in the woods are actually a pair of septuagenarians had potential; but it’s all set-up and no payoff.  Just like the rest of the movie. 

 

Tom Skerritt, fire your agent. 

 

Glau’s irritating father gets the only memorable line of the movie when he scolds her boyfriend:  “If you gave her the weed I will neuter you!”

 

AKA:  Outbreak.

Tags: comedy, m, sci-fi
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