The Video Vacuum (thevideovacuum) wrote,
The Video Vacuum


Some Mexican lady used to be an orphan so she thinks, “Wouldn’t it be great if I take my husband and my AIDS addled adopted kid to live at my old decrepit orphanage?”  Sounds fine until the tyke begins seeing little kiddie ghosts running around rampant and starts playing hide and go seek with orphans from the other side.  When the little HIV afflicted tot disappears, mama goes plum loco trying to find him.  And when she… Hey wait!  Have YOU guessed the super-duper surprise ending yet? 


If you can’t already see it coming from a mile away, here’s the deal.  It’s sort of like one of those Pan’s Labyrinth things; except this time it’s the mommy who buys the farm so she can go to the big orphanage in the sky and spend eternity taking care of dead Mexican orphans.


Basically what we have here is The Seis Sense, except that it’s subtitled and the little kid sees Mexican dead people.  


The sad thing about this flick is that it actually started out okay.  The opening scenes showed some promise and there was a pretty nifty scene where an old lady got her jawbone dislocated when she got hit in the face with a speeding truck.  Once a bunch of paranormal Ghost Hunters type of Mexicanos started rooting around the house doing all kinds of sub-Poltergeist hijinx, the film started to falter and things never quite recovered from there. 


We did get introduced to one semi-cool monster kid who looked like a cross between John Merrick and Jason Vorhees, but for the most part all of the other ghostly brats were anything but creepy.  Seriously, what’s with all these directors who think that poltergeist preschoolers are scary?  Why is it that films like The Others, The Ring and this slice of Montezuma’s Revenge try in vain to scare their audience with brats from beyond the grave?  Chances are a living 5 year old with Attention Deficit Disorder is going to give you more problems than a dead one.  


If you’re like me and appreciate a good horror flick, then give this one a pass.  If your idea of “scary” is watching a Mexican mamacita play a South of the Border variation of One, Two, Three Red-Light with a bunch of kiddie ghosts, then The Orphanage will definitely be for you.

Tags: horror, o
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