The Video Vacuum (thevideovacuum) wrote,
The Video Vacuum

THE HOLE (2003) * ½

Thora Birch is a mousy chick who convinces her annoying privileged British friends into having a slumber party over the weekend in an abandoned fallout shelter.  Thora wants to sleep with the dude from Wrong Turn but their prospective romance is put on hold when they get stuck down in “the hole” and have to try to survive.  But wait…


That’s not what happened.  What REALLY happened was that Thora was a scheming, coldhearted, and bitchy sociopath who invited her friends to the fallout shelter for a lot of partying and drugs.  She then trapped them all down in “the hole” and watched her friends go crazy, turn on each other, and eventually kill one another, so that she and the dude from Wrong Turn could finally be with each other. 


Basically it’s just a shitty British teen psycho-drama told Rashomon style.  ¾ of the teens all speak in irritating, whiny British accents and constantly bicker for over 100 minutes.  Not exactly a fun way to spend an evening at home in front of the tube. 


I really had nothing against the film’s structure.  The big problem I had was that the “true” version Birch tells the cops is far less entertaining and a lot more sluggishly paced than the first time she told it.  Also, I was a bit surprised at how little mileage director Nick Hamm (who later went on to direct Godsend) got out of the “hole” itself.  You’d think an ominous, decrepit bomb shelter would be an ideal place for a horror movie, but the teens could’ve been trapped anywhere really. 


There is one reason this movie exists though and that is to see Keira Knightley’s underage rack.  She was all of 15 at the time she made this and all I’m gonna say is her parents must’ve been really proud of their girl’s ta-tas to let her show the whole world her rack like that at such a young age.  Birch, who has matured A LOT since Monkey Trouble, doesn’t get naked, although she does have a decent wet T-shirt scene about halfway through the movie.   


The dude from Wrong Turn gets the best line of the movie when he says; “I killed by best friend for a Coke!”


AKA:  After the Hole. 

Tags: h, thriller
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