A husband (Simon Andreu) and his new blushing bride Susan (Maribel Martin) go to live at his ancestral mansion. On their wedding night, he indulges in some kinky sex and even though she’s a virgin, she really doesn’t seem to mind that much. Pretty soon Susan starts seeing a sexy vampire bride named Mircalla (Alexandra Bastedo) in her dreams who wants her to murder her husband. One day while walking on the beach, the hubby finds a chick named Carmilla, who bears a close resemblance to Mircalla, buried in the sand and brings her home. Carmilla takes an immediate liking to Susan and quickly embroils her into a plot to bump off her husband once and for all.
Director Vicente Aranda loads The Blood Spattered Bride with atmosphere and lesbian undertones but never quite pulls the trigger to make it all come together successfully. The three-way love triangle between the jealous husband, his sexy wife and the homewrecking lesbian vampire just isn’t very involving and Carmilla herself is introduced much too late in the game for her to have much effect on the plot. But the chief reason why the flick really fails is the static pacing. The damned thing moves slower than a narcoleptic snail.
That’s not to say everything the movie is a complete washout. Although Aranda may not know a thing when it comes to making a snappily paced flick, he sure knows how to get Maribel Martin to show off rack and unkempt bush a lot. He also spices things up occasionally with some bizarre but beautiful imagery (like the scene where they find Carmilla buried on the beach and you only see her face and breasts peeking up out of the sand) and the dream sequence where Mircalla forces Susan to repeatedly stab her husband, rip out his heart and wring it out like a sponge has a kick to it. Unfortunately these moments are few and far between and will only have you wishing that someone would hurry up and give this bride away already.