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Well, Dario Argento has made us all wait around for 28 years for this final installment of his Three Mothers Trilogy, and you know what folks, it was kinda worth it.  Am I saying it’s as great a film as Suspiria?  FUCK NO!  Am I saying it’s as beautifully shot as Inferno?  BITCH PLEASE!  Am I saying it’s a gory as all get out fun time?  SHIT YEAH!


Okay imagine for a second if The Happening had kinda rocked, then what you’d get would look something like this movie. 


The plot has Dario’s daughter Asia working in a Roman museum where she opens up a trunk of relics that contain the spirit of the dreaded witch, Mother of Tears.  Once the spirit is unleashed, it causes mass hysteria in the streets and people start offing one another left and right.  Since the malevolent mama gains her strength off of other people’s suffering (she has a penchant of licking people’s tears right off of their damn faces), all is good in her satanic hood.  Luckily for Rome, Asia’s mama (played by Daria Nicolodi, her real mother) was a good witch and she pops up periodically a la Obi-Wan Kenobi to help Asia fight off the meddlesome Mother. 


In Suspiria and Inferno, Dario Argento slowly built up the suspense before unleashing upon the audience a tightly constructed and spectacularly gory death sequence.  In Mother of Tears, there’s a crazy gory death scene about every ten minutes or so.  No suspense, it just happens.  If you’re the kind of person that doesn’t mind quantity over quality, then this shouldn’t matter to you one bit because this movie is an insane gorefest from start to finish.


Speaking of finishes, the ending maybe kind of a letdown (The Mother of Tears gets killed when her negligee is thrown on the fire) but that’s okay because my man Dario sure knows how to film people getting mutilated in just about every way possible.  The carnage includes:  mouth bludgeoning, someone having their guts ripped out and then being strangled with ‘em, psychotic goth girls ripping people’s throats out, eye popping, head crushing, Udo Keir getting his face hacked to itty bitty pieces with a meat cleaver, heart ripping, pussy impaling, and some kinky S & M stuff that would even make Pinhead himself blush. 


And I’m just hitting the highlights here, people.


You see, the thing I like about Dario is that when he films a scene where a baby gets thrown off of a bridge by its mother, he likes to show a shot of the kid smacking it’s noggin on the side of the bridge on the way down before it hits the water.  Most directors would just be content to show the baby getting thrown off the bridge and be done with it, but not Dario.  He’ll show you that gratuitous insert shot of the kid’s head getting thumped on an unyielding concrete structure BEFORE it reaches its watery grave.  That’s just the kind of guy he is.  


Although not quite in the same league as its classic predecessors, Mother of Tears:  The Third Mother is still good enough for me to hope that Dario’s got a couple more Mothers like this one up his sleeve.


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