The Video Vacuum (thevideovacuum) wrote,
The Video Vacuum
thevideovacuum

SATAN’S BLACK WEDDING (1975) * ½

An actor with Elvis sideburns returns to his hometown of Monterey, California for his sister’s funeral.  He hooks up with his sister’s co-worker and starts to snoop around to find out what really drove her to suicide.  Turns out that this Ron Jeremy looking priest is actually a vampire and has turned the guy’s sister into a vampire as well.  It seems that the devil wants her to marry her brother so they can spawn a satanic offspring. 

 

If this had happened in West Virginia it would’ve been no trouble at all.

 

Director Nick Millard (who also did the Crazy Fat Ethel movies) paces this sucker as if he just downed two bottles of Nyquil.  The fact that the flick only runs 62 minutes is irrelevant because I swore it felt like a goddamn mini-series.  The whole movie is cheap looking (get a load of the vampires’ oversized plastic fangs) and the story is slight and uninvolving.  The music is also some of the worst since Manos:  The Hands of Fate.

 

And what was up with the vampires in this movie?  I mean they drank blood and had fangs sure, but they also ran around during the daytime.  Last time I checked that was a big no-no for vampires.  The whole thing was convoluted if you asked me.

 

At least Millard got things started off nicely.  The opening scene where the chick slashes her wrists about a gazillion times with a razorblade was kinda cool.  Too bad nothing else in the flick lives up to that part.  Oh yeah and Satan doesn’t even RSVP to his own wedding.  What an asshole.   

 

Bridezillas is scarier. 

Tags: horror, s, vampires
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