The Video Vacuum (thevideovacuum) wrote,
The Video Vacuum

THE BEAST (1977) ** ½

Good golly Miss Molly, this is one weird movie. 


Okay, so there’s this horse trainer who’s about to be married off to a woman (Sirpa Lane) he never met.  When the chick finally arrives, all she does is masturbate and fantasize about being raped by a hairy beast with a giant penis that continuously ejaculates all over her.  In the end, we learn that her husband was actually the beast, but he ends up dying in his sleep, so the wedding is called off. 


Like I said, weird.  I’ve seen some fucked up shit in my time, but the scenes of a hot, horny and hairy monster shooting jizz all over a hot French broad’s ta-ta’s has to go down in cinema history as some of the craziest shit ever put on the silver screen.  There’s also a pretty hot scene where Lane masturbates with a rose and shoves that bad boy up her hoo-ha!  I’ve heard of a rose bush before but that shit was ridiculous. 


The problem with The Beast is that it takes one whole hour before we get to the beast sex.  The first sixty minutes of this movie play out like some half assed Masterpiece Theater shit with a bunch of stupid French people trying to organize a wedding.  Supposedly director Walerian Borowczyk had planned this as part of his anthology movie, Immoral Tales but he decided to expand it to feature length.  I think he made a big mistake.  The Beast would’ve been a perfect movie if it only ran about 45 minutes or so.  As it is, it’s got entirely too much of that Masterpiece Theater shit in the beginning that gum up the works. 


The opening scene is a doozy however as we get to see some graphic scenes of horses humping.  I never thought I’d ever see throbbing horse cock ever penetrating pulsating equine pussy in a movie, but here it is.  (This flick would make an excellent double feature with Emanuelle in America.)


Had the film been nothing but the beast scrumping and shooting cum every which way, The Beast would’ve been a classic.  Unfortunately, the first hour (horse humping scenes excluded) of the flick is some of the most boring shit ever committed to celluloid.  One Star for the first half of the flick, Four Stars for the second.  That works out to be a ** ½ average.  Still worth a look for all the scenes of the monster using Sirpa Lane as a cum dumpster.


AKA:  The Beast in Heat.  AKA:  The Devil’s Ecstasy. 

Tags: b, cult, horror
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