The Video Vacuum (thevideovacuum) wrote,
The Video Vacuum
thevideovacuum

KILLER PAD (2008) * ½

In 1988, Robert Englund directed 976-EVIL.  That flick was so bad that no one let him behind a camera for two whole decades.  His new directorial effort, Killer Pad is better than 976-EVIL, but that’s not saying a whole heck of a lot.  Maybe in another twenty years we’ll let you try again Robert.

 

Three obnoxious as all get out teenagers buy a house in the Hollywood Hills from a horny Asian transvestite (Are you sold on this flick yet?) and the trio quickly turn the pad into a primo joint to bang chicks.  The only catch is that there’s a portal to Hell located in the basement.  Satan takes the form of a hot chick (the appropriately named Emily FOXler) and she tries to seduce the boys into her ranks during a wild party where more than one rowdy guest loses their heads… LITERALLY! 

 

As Freddy Krueger in the Nightmare on Elm Street movies, Englund was always way over the top, and that was fine because the films were fun and scary entertainment.  Englund is equally over the top behind the camera.  Unfortunately the man is no Wes Craven, Jack Sholder, Chuck Russell, Renny Harlin, Stephen Hopkins, Rachael Talalay or Ronny Yu.  

 

Englund apparently has never heard of the word “subtlety” and in turn, everything about this movie is completely gratuitous.  There’s the gratuitous Joey Lawrence cameo (complete with gratuitous Bruce Willis impersonation).  The gratuitous idiot “heroes” that are clearly closeted homosexuals.  The gratuitous hot chicks who dress up like sluts and REFUSE to show their tits.  The gratuitous Lin Shaye cameo. The gratuitous use of Andy Milonakis in a supporting role.  Then there are the gratuitous plugs for excellent Mexican beers, Sol and Tecate.  (Which actually makes me kinda thirsty now that I think about it.)  The list goes on and on.  And don’t even get me started on the inexplicable use of KISS’ Rock n’ Roll All Night as a deus ex machina to slay the slutty Hell beasts.

 

If Englund knows one thing, it’s make-up effects.  The man has spent so much time behind tons of latex rubber so he knows to film that shit like there’s no tomorrow.  The gore is copious as there are multiple severed heads and throat slashings.  The best scene though is when a butch lesbian gets pulled down inside a toilet and gets shit on to death.  That’s something you don’t see every day, so I gave the flick an extra half star for that.

Tags: horror, k
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