The Video Vacuum (thevideovacuum) wrote,
The Video Vacuum

ZARDOZ (1974) ½ *

Sean Connery runs around in a red diaper and shoots lots of irritating hippie mofos in John Boorman’s laughably stupefying sci-fi shitfest.  Connery is Zed, an “exterminator” who hitches a ride inside of a gigantic statue head “God” named Zardoz.  It drops him off in “the vortex” where a bunch of “immortals” make him hang out and watch dirty movies to see how his penis works.  After he’s had enough of that, he hooks up with this other order of immortals who actually WANT to die and they’re hoping that Zed will give them “the gift of death”. 


You know, the science fiction genre is great because it allows filmmakers to make all these grandiose statements about the meaning of life and stuff.  By putting all of their metaphors and shit into a science fiction context, it makes the movie profound and what not.  Take Godzilla for example.  Godzilla was a metaphor for the atomic destruction that leveled Tokyo during WWII.  Zardoz on the other hand is just a bunch of random weirdness for weirdness sakes.  The amount of psychedelic drugs you would need to take in order to understand this crap would prove fatal. 


Zardoz is just plain awful.  Seriously, does Connery even READ the scripts that are given to him?  Between Zardoz, Highlander 2 and The Avengers, I’m going to go with… NO.  Sean, what were you thinking when you signed up to run around the moors of Ireland dressed like an anorexic sumo wrestler?  Then again, you can’t really blame Sean for taking the gig since he got to hang around a bunch of naked tarts for most of the film’s running time. 


Speaking of nude trollops, there are copious amounts of titties on display to keep you watching.  The breasts are made all the more lovely thanks to the excellent cinematography by Geoffrey (Superman) Unsworth.  Nothing else in the flick is worth two shits; except for maybe the dialogue.  Boy, are there some howlers in this one.  Zardoz easily gets the best line of the movie when he says, “The gun is good!  The penis is evil!”

Tags: sci-fi, z
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